UPJOKE

Spread Your Legs Jokes

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive...

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

“It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor.

“Look, I was having a gin ...

A pretty girl goes to the doctor..

A pretty girl in her early twenties went to the doctor.
"What seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked.

Flustered and shy the girl replied "I have some pain urinating and there seems to be a constant itch down there."

"Alright, please take off your pants and panties and lie down o...

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Teaching Virgil

Ma and Paw are sitting on the porch when Paw says "Ma, Virgil is 18 its about time he learns about fuckin".

"Well how you reckon we teach him Paw?" Says Ma.

"You go in the bedroom and get naked on the bed and spread your legs. I'll be in in a minute."

Paw goes to his son and say...

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Snatch eating frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box, and it says: “Snatch Eating Frogs... $20 each (comes with instructions).”

She looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and ...

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

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Camel Mechanic

A man buys a camel from an old trader who tells him, that it will only start walking if it hears a special word. The man is so excited about having his own camel, that he completely forgets the special word and can't get it to move. After many hours of trying, he decides to go looking for the old tr...

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A girl needs to go to her gynecologist for a check up.

She gets checked in and sits down on the table.

Doctor says "Alright, get naked and spread your legs." So she does and he starts to examine her.

The second he gets down there, she hears "Wow, you have a massive vagina! Wow, you have a massive vagina!"

She gets all offended an...

So a blonde and a brunette are having a chat.

The brunette goes "Do you know what my dumb husband did? He bought me flowers again.."

Surprised , the blonde answers "Awww, thats so cute! He's not dumb, he's kind!"

The brunette says "Yea, but you know what they always want when they give you flowers. You always have to lay back and ...

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A guy has a prostitute come to his apartment, and he's asking her if she'll do ‘kinky’…

“that depends” she says “..and it’ll cost you extra."

“sure” the guy says “what I want is for you to strip off, except your high-heels, go over to the wall, and then, facing the wall, do a head-stand yeah?, then I want you to slowly spread your legs as wide apart as you can.”

so she ag...

10 Things In Golf That Sound Naughty

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You hav...

Young girl goes to a confession ...

"Father, there's something funny happening down in my lady parts.. it feels like i have 100 flies down there, very tickling feeling. Can you help me?" Father says: "oh dear, this is completely normal, but i am afraid i cant help you with this one. Go ask someone else." She walks out and meets an old...

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A woman walks past a pet shop...

A fairly young widow is walking past a pet shop and she pauses to admire the puppies in the window. As she looks inside, she sees a frog for sale, for £1000. She decides to go in and enquire as to why the frog is so expensive.

The pet shop owner says "this frog is a master of oral sex, which ...

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Pussy Eating Frog (NSFW)

A woman had some time to kill, so she decided to go browse in a pet store. She's looking around, and the owner approaches her and asks if she's looking for anything in particular. She says, "No, I'm just browsing."

"Well, perhaps I can interest you in one of our new arrivals. He's a very r...

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