UPJOKE

Sometimes I Like To Jokes

Sometimes I like to tell Dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I like to stroke my cock.

I think he must like it too, since everytime I stop, he starts flapping his wings.


(AFAIK this is my original joke. If you've heard it before it's a coincidence)

Sometimes I like to put the punchline first

A lot of people asked me why the line for drinks is before the line for food, so I explained

Sometimes I like to sit on the floor, bring my knees up to my chest and then lean forward.

But that's just how I roll.

Sometimes I like to use big words...

So people will think I am more photosynthesis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I like to look at the world and think...

...how the fuck did I end up in space?!

Sometimes i like to hide my wife inhalers,

So the neighbours think i'm a stallion in bed,

when they hear her panting and gasping

"give it to me"

Sometimes I like to think back to when my dad used to put me in tires and roll me down the hill

...those were the Goodyears.

Sometimes I like to moonwalk like Michael Jackson

Because it takes me back.

Sometimes I like to just watch the sunset in the park by myself.

I carry a gun with me to keep it that way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I like to wind down the windows of my car, and sing at the top of my lungs to strangers walking by.

I was never meant to be a hearse driver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The $1000 Tattoo

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks to get a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. The Tattoo artist is a bit taken aback and tells the guy that he will do it, but it will cost $1000.
The Man agrees and he gets the Tattoo.
however, during the process the tattoo artist becomes increasingly ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I usually don't pay for sex...

...but sometimes I like to splurge.

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