UPJOKE

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen...

I can feel it...

what does a beaver say when something bad happens

Damn it

Every time I enter my loft, something bad happens.

I call it problemattic.

How is this possible? Whenever I say something bad, I get in trouble, but...

Whenever Donald Trump says something bad, he gets more supporters!?

LPT: When you're about to judge someone or say something bad about someone, consider walking a mile in their shoes first

That way, when you do judge them or say something bad about them, you're already a mile ahead of them... And you have their shoes.

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I'm sitting at home watching a movie and Nicholas Cage says "something bad is about to happen" at that moment my power goes out for a second.

I'm freaking out thinking why the fuck is Nicholas cage in my lounge room!!!

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Cheating wife

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said.
"I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."

Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.

An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.

"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."

"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."

"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and b...

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3 nuns have dedicated their lives to God since they were 16.

25 years later they started talking about everything in life they missed out on. Never getting a drivers license, to their first drink at 21, or even having sex.

So they all decided they would go to their priest and ask if they can have 1 day off from being a nun. As this is a weird request t...

Mom, Why is your hair turning grey?

There was once a naughty little girl who was always getting in trouble and she asked her mother one day "Mom, why is your hair turning grey?" And her mother replied "Every time you do something bad, I get another grey hair." The girl got a puzzled look on her face. A moment later, the girl starts ch...

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Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.

Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.

One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.

The next day Carl goes to the bar a...

Triple Filter

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly: "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like y...

Wearing a mask without it covering your nose, is like wearing a condom but poking a hole in the top.

Sure, it’s on, but sooner or later something bad will happen because of it.

Karma means I can be mean to people having a clear clear conscience: they probably deserved it.

Every time I make this joke, something bad happens to me the next day.

This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby.

When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.

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