UPJOKE

So The Other Day Jokes

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So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes

When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover. He glared at me and started writing another ticket f...

So the other day, my friend told me that I have no idea what irony meant...

Which was pretty ironic, considering we were at a bus stop.

So the other day I went to a Pride Festival...

I asked where the Greed, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath Festivals were and they had no clue.

So the other day I was arrested for pretending I was an American politician!

I was just sitting there doing nothing

So the other day I made a free website for an orphanage....

It didn't have a home page

So the other day I was crossing the street trying to remember something very important,

And then it hit me, at 50 mph.

So the other day I was looking down at my leg...

So the other day I was looking down at my leg and saw something funny, so I decided to get rid of it, it was a rash judgement.

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So the other day I said to me wife - you know seems like these days we only have Social Security sex."

She gives me a strange look - "Social Security sex?"

I said "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

So the other day Mick and Paddy were walking down the road...

...when they came across two blokes on a bridge. One was holding the other by the ankles over the edge, and the other fellow had his hands in the water.

Curious, Mick and Paddy watched them for a while until the bloke dangling from his ankles began to scream "Pull me up, pull me up quick!"...

So the other day, I was curious what would happen if I licked a wall outlet...

So I did it...



Needless to say, I was shocked.

So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

So the other day I was pressing my clothes

But it turned out I had just made even more creases. I was so upset. I guess I couldn't handle the irony.

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So the other day I'm at my routinely checkup.

The doctor tells me to pull down my pants so he can examine my genitals, so I do that. He takes a look, and after about 30 seconds he says to me, "you have to stop masturbating." I ask, "what, why?" to which he replies "because we're in the middle of a checkup!"

So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer'sā€¦

He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"

He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.

So the other day my friend asked me if living in Switzerland had any benefits...

I responded: "Well, the flag's a big plus."^I'll^see^myself^out.

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So the other day I was walking from the sports field with a bag of 100 tennis balls...

That's a big bag, but I managed to carry it. However, unbeknownst to me, it was dragging over the ground, and eventually caught on a sharp piece of kerb, and ripped open. All 100 tennis balls falling out, ending up everywhere. Really annoying. I had to get all of them back individually and only retr...

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So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane...

but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra.

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So the other day I went into a local shop with a sign that read "Therapist"

They should really put a larger space between the "e" and the "r"

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