UPJOKE

So Hot Jokes

Why is it so hot at the Grateful Dead concert?

Because their fans don't work.

It was so hot today...

That I actually saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.

It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex.

So I could be around something shady.

Man, it's so hot outside...

I saw a crackhead putting copper wires back in his AC

It’s so hot this summer…

The Halloween candy at Walmart is starting to melt.

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

Why are smart people so hot?

They have more degrees.

My Yoga instructor was so hot, I didn't want to leave the studio...

She kept telling me it was done but I said "namaste"

I'm so hot and I have no AC

Onlyfans

"In downtown Burbank today, it was so hot..."

*How hot was it?*

"I saw a fire hydrant flagging down a dog..."

RIP Johnny Carson

“When the universe was very young, it was so hot...”

I'm going to stop you right there.

Holy Mackerel! It's so hot out here today...

I just heard a tree trunk whistle for a dog...

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Oh my god. You are so hot !

I was walking down this street and this really sexy woman tells me, 'Oh my god. You are so hot. I want you to fuck me right now!'

It's true. You can ask Brad Pitt, he was right behind me.

Why is it so hot in Apple?

It's because there are no windows.

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Her: “Sex last night was ok.” Him: “Sex last night was so hot, we set the bed on fire!”

Fact vs. Friction

Why is it so hot in New Orleans right now?

There’s no Brees

Why are squares so hot?

Because its corners are 90 degrees

A man is working out with a blonde nearby

He gets hot while doing his sets so he takes off his shirt. The blonde winks and says "Wow, you've got some nice pecs there."

The man smirks and says "100 pounds of pure dynamite, babe." and returns to his workout. A few minutes go by and he gets hotter so he takes off his pants.

The b...

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I used to work for Disney, but their offices were always so hot during the summer.

I guess they don't give a shit about fans.

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Do you know why Native American sex is so hot?

It's fucking in tents.

My dental hygienist is so hot

I eat a full box of oreos in the waiting room before having her clean my teeth.

Baby, you're so hot, you're an absolute 10

... on the Kelvin scale.

It so hot...

I’m sweating like R Kelly at a PTA meeting

It was so hot today that I didn't dare to leave my dog alone in the car.

In the end I decided to leave my baby there too to keep him company.

Me: I like girls who wear glasses, they look so hot. My bespectacled crush, : Oh really? Glad to know.

And she never wears glasses again.

I was wondering why my computer was getting so hot.

I guess it just needed to vent.

Medusa was so hot

Just looking at her made me rock hard

Today is so hot, that the priest came out of the church and said:

"Don't go in there, it's hell"

Why are Norwegian women so hot?

The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!

My laptop's running so hot....

That Frodo just walked in and chucked the one ring on it.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

It's been so hot lately, so I finally got a new AC...

and i nicknamed it DIRK cuz it's so clutch against the heat.

It's so hot outside

that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

I used to think Ronda Rousey was so hot

But tonight I saw a total knockout

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