UPJOKE

So Expensive Jokes

Why is helium so expensive these days?

Because of all the inflation.

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

petrol is so expensive

It will be cheaper to just buy cocaine and run everywhere

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The cost of living has now become so expensive.....

....that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford the batteries.

My wife asked me why hot air balloon rides are so expensive.

I said "inflation".

Gas prices got so expensive that…

Tom Brady had to come out of retirement

dating is getting so expensive, so instead of buying an uber.

My wife gave us a ride

That's why it's so expensive

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away". The distressed woma...

Why was the bouncy castle so expensive?

Due to the cost of inflation

With everything so expensive this year, it could be just German sausage and cheese for Christmas dinner.

But that's a Wurst-Käse scenario.

Do you know why insulin has gotten so expensive?

Well, it’s not called Liveabetes, now is it?

Why are Reebok Pumps shoes so expensive?

Inflation.

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

Because they only have little ears.

Why is Ireland so expensive?

House prices are always Dublin'

I found out why college is so expensive these days

Every university starts with U o.

Why paying professionals is so expensive?

Someone had a broken pump, he tried for hours to fix it but could not. Finally, exasperated he took it to the specialist. The professional took a look at the pump, plugged it in, took out a hammer and hit it once. Immediately the pump started working.

That would be $200 he said to the custom...

Why are scented candles so expensive?

Because they take a wick to make one.

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A guy finds a super expensive frog at a flea market He asks the salesman why is the frog so expensive. “Because he can give one hell of a blowjob..”

The guy gets intrigued and buys the frog.

Later that night, his wife comes home to see him lying in their bed naked, with the frog on his shoulder, reading a cooking book.

“What the hell is this??”

“Baby, if this frog learns how to cook, you’re outta here!”

Do you know why pies are so expensive in the Bahamas?

or are you ignorant of the pie rates of the Caribbean?

Homes are so expensive in my area I had to move into my friend's bouncy castle.

The rent's pretty expensive, but it's mostly due to inflation.

Why is therapy so expensive in the 41st Millenium?

Because The Emperor Projects!

Giving birth is so expensive nowadays

It requires a lot of labour

Why are religious resturants so expensive?

they have bi-bills

Due to increased fuel costs and because electric cars are so expensive, legislators voted today to reintroduce horse and buggy

The vote failed: one yea, 35 neigh

Prosthetics are so expensive...

They cost me an arm and a leg

Why is weed so expensive?

Cause the demand is always high

If yo mamma wasn’t so expensive...

... I could’ve been yo daddy.

Paper is getting so expensive these days

With costs like these I'm certain my origami business is gonna fold

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Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's fuckin' worth it.

A friend's divorce is being finalized today and he often says this.

Phones these days are so expensive...

If you fall and hear a crack, you hope you broke your leg.

Ever wonder why tires are so expensive these days?

They have to adjust for inflation.

Why doctors are so expensive

Cindy was having a lot of pain in her stomach, so she went to the doctors to get it looked at. She was told she needed minor surgery to remove a growth, and that the operation would take 15 minutes.

The surgery went well with no complications, but when Cindy was shocked to find out that the ...

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Why are divorces so expensive?

Because they are worth it!

When they ask you "why is University so expensive?"..

The intent is to provide students with a sense of pride and accomplishment for completing different courses.

As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average...

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ...

The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.

You need 9 lives to pay it off.

Ps - should this be in /showerthoughts?

A man was idling in the street, bored, when he saw a man selling apples close by

He approached the man, and asked, "How much do these apples cost?". The vendor replied, "An apple costs $1 and an apple seed costs $2.". Confused, the man asked, "Why are you selling the seeds? and why are they so expensive?". The vendor said, "Apple seeds are actually known to make you so much time...

A man enters a pet shop

He spots a parrot with a higher than normal price tag.

"Why is this bird so expensive?" he asked the shop owner

"Oh well, it's a very special parrot you see" the owner replied "if you lift its right leg, it will sing a you hymn. And if you lift its left leg, it will recite a psalm"
...

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A woman went into a pet shop

to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.

"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive," she said.

"Well,"said the clerk, 'I have a huge bullfrog i...

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[Long] A beautiful prostitute

A man is driving around the New York City late one night looking for a prostitute. He pulls over at a corner and sees what may be the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid eyes on. The man says, "you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen out here, I've gotta ask, how much do you charge for...

A man is laying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant.

A doctor comes in and says "Congratulations! But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford."


The man says to the doctor "Okay, what are they?"

<...

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A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel

Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"

Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"

Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."

Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, an...

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two women are chatting in the office....

Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled o...

The boss!

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains,...

*The Glasgow Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer so...

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