UPJOKE

So Big Jokes

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my dick is so big

If you laid it out on a keyboard it'd stretch all the way from A to Z

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My wang is so big...

If I put it on a keyboard, it stretches from A to Z.


Oh, wait a minute...

Yo mama so big, the stork couldn't carry her...

They needed a *crane*.

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Women say my dick is so big it's causing me anxiety (NSFW)

I don't think I'll ever fit in.

Why is Santa's sack so big?

because he comes only once a year.

A german and an american are talking. "My country is so big, it takes me two weeks to drive from one side to the other," says the American.

The German: "Oh, I used to have a car like that...".

Yo mama so big...

...her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.

Why are E.T's eyes so big?

He saw his phone bill

A set of steps asked another set of steps how they got so big.

The other set of steps said: "Stair-oids."

Why is the North Korean National library so big?

Because Kim Jong-Un is a supreme reader!

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, "Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and
keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the
husband starts getting
amorous.
Wife says: "I'm not starting
the old washing machine for
such a small load. You'll have
to do it by hand!"

A lawyer died and was so big they almost had to bury him in a piano case.

Instead they gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

"Daddy, why is that book so big?"

"It's a long story..." :D

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

Why are a gorilla's nostrils so big?

Just look at his fingers.

Yo mama’s forehead so big....

...the UN passed a bill declaring it a sovereign state.

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Some dumbass once asked me how my dick got so big, so I told him I rubbed grease on it. 2 weeks later he comes back complaining that it's smaller. "What did you use?" I say. He said "Crisco."

I said "Crisco? Shit man, that's shortening!"

Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children...

Old girlfriends seem to get offended.

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A blue whale's vagina is so big and deep that 5-6 men can easily lay down in it, making it the world's biggest pussy after..

After^Italy^during^both^world^wars

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Have you guys heard about the man who’s penis is so big, he passes out from blood loss when he becomes erect?

I heard he’s a hard sleeper.

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Trump's ego is so big...

Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.

-Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump

Why is the population in Ireland so big ?

Because it keeps on Dublin and Dublin and Dublin.

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Let's hear your best "my penis is so big" jokes

My dick is so big that at birth, instead of spanking me, the doctor smashed me with a bottle of champagne

Donald Trump's brain is so big

It's too much of a hassle to take it with him

Yo momma is so big that...

I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures

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The other day, my friend told me his penis was so big that it went from A to Z.

I told him to stop putting his dick on his keyboard or I'm never fixing his computer again.

The lions roar was so big that when I compressed it ..

it turned out to be a " .Rawr " file.

While in bed, my girlfriend screamed, "Oh my god, it's so big!"

Then I saw the spider.

Why do mountains grow so big?

They have no natural predators.

Why is r/dankchristianmemes so big but not r/dankmuslimmemes?

I thought it would've blown up by now.

My feet are so big

That they attract everything within two feet.

Your momma so big.

She broke Graham’s number

TIL that the sun is so big that if every person on Earth were to stand on it right now...

They’d all die from the heat.

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What is your favorite "My dick is so big.." joke?

Mine is, "My dick is so big that, at the movie theater, popcorn comes in small, medium, large and my dick."

Why were the dinosaurs so big?

Because Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is so big...

the only relationships I can have are long distance

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My wife's arse is so big

she's taller when she sits down

"Why your stomach is so big"..."I had a baby"

... for lunch.

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Why are Jews noses so big?

Because air is free.

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Of Harleys and Horses (a joke that reads like a fable)

One day, it rained mighty fierce down on the farm. And when the weather let up, all the barn animals decided to come out and play. As they did so, Mr. Horse decided he wanted to go take a romp out in Mr. Farmers field, and splash in all the muck puddles.

After a while, however, Mr. Horse foun...

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock Cit...

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Two aliens land on Earth in the middle of nowhere near a gas station and one of them gets out to make first contact.

He goes to the gas pump and says "Hello, we're from outer space, and we'd like to establish relations, how can I find your leader?"

Obviously, the pump doesn't respond so the alien is rather annoyed by such rudeness but he tries again.

"Yeah so we're just trying to get in touch with yo...

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Little Johnny....

Mr Wilkins stepped out into his back yard, and heard sobbing sounds coming from over the fence next door.

Curious, he looked over and saw young Johnny, eyes puffed up and tear stains on his cheeks, patting down a large mound of earth with his plastic spade.

"Hey Johnny," Mr Wilkins inq...

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A Little girl was digging a hole in her back yard.

When her neighbour said, hello Daisy what you digging a hole for?

Daisy replied, I am burying my goldfish, neighbour said, that is a very big hole for a goldfish, why so big? Daisy replied.

Because it's inside your fucking cat.

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Little Johnny's teacher...

... was going over the week's vocabulary words and asked the class if anyone could use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Nobody raised their hand except Little Johnny.

"Anybody? Anyone at all?" she asked, ignoring Little Johnny who was enthusiastically waving his hand from the back of the...

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A tourist in Madrid goes into a restaurant and orders the special

The waiter brings it, and he asks what it is.

"These are cojones, Signor."

"What are cojones?"

"These are the testicles of the bull, the one which lost the bullfight in the arena this afternoon. They're very good."

So he tries them, and they are very good. He finishes the...

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