UPJOKE

Smart People Jokes

What are smart people called in America?

Tourists.

For the smart people

People who don't know the linguistic difference between Etymology and Entomology really bug me.

Why smart people with good opinions are poor?

Because they make cents.

Why do smart people like to use big words?

It makes them sound more photosynthesis.

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I think gays are pretty much all smart people.

They're a homo genius group.

Why are smart people so smelly?

Because genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

(My son made this up)

85 percent of Reddit is smart people...

Glad I'm not in the other 19 percent.

Why do smart people wear glasses?

Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.

This is a little bad but....

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Do you know why smart people are annoying lovers?

Because summa them cum laude-ly

I'm a sophomore in highschool and trying to come up with a joke to include into my physics project, funny-smart people of reddit help me out!

So I'm working on a project with a partner that needs to explain how potatoes and oranges can become batteries by sticking metal in them. I don't want it to be bland though, so if you guys can tell me how to make it funny it'd be great! Thanks

George Bush was visiting the queen of England...

when he asked her "I must say, you run a real tight ship over here, would you mind telling me some of your secrets or advice?".

The queen said "sure, its quite simple, I surround myself with smart people, for example, watch this". She then calls upon Tony Blair. "Tony, I have a simple questio...

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Trump want to know the secret of Angela Merkels success when visiting her in Germany

she tells him: well it's pretty easy, You just have to gather a lot of smart people around yourself.

"How do you know so fast if they are intelligent" Trump asks.

Merkel: " let me demonstrate it"

She grabs the telephone calls Wolfgang Schäuble and asks him a question: " Mr. Sch...

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

Dad, what is evolution?

Dad: it's when smart people get fully vaccinated before the big delta wave

A famous physicist, an old man, and a boy scout are taking a tourist flight in a small plane.

A famous physicist, an old man, and a boy scout are taking a tourist flight in a small plane. After they reach cruising altitude, the pilot suddenly has a heart attack. His last words before he dies are, "There are two parachutes over there ... good luck."

Before they can even talk about how...

Do you know why they say "an apple a day keeps the doctor away"?

Because doctors are smart people. Smart people use Windows.

You know who reddit is for

Smart people who ain't pretty enough for insta

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Wrote this in r/videos. It made me laugh. Who Want To Be A Millionaire America version.

WWTBAM person: "Oh, you won a million dollars? Let me just get that for you."

Winner: "Thanks."

WWTBAM person: "Ok. First we take a tax cut of 25%."

Winner: "Wait, what?"

WWTBAM person: "Next we're going to seperate it into 20."

Winner: "Hold on a second, what are ...

2 men are sitting in a bar.

1 man says: smart people doubt everything. Only stupid people are certain about things! His friends asks him: are you sure about that? He answers: absolutely!

Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?

Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.

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Donald Trump visits the Queen of England

Donald Trump visits the Queen of England and is amazed how nice everything is. He asks her: How do you run your country in such a nice way?

She answers: Oh that's easy. I surround myself with smart people. Could someone send in my prime minister please?

Boris Johnson enters the room an...

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Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, “How can global warming be real if it’s 20 degrees here?”

I say to him, “Saying Climate Change isn’t real because it’s cold where you live is like saying smart people don’t exist because you’re a fucking idiot!”

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The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

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