UPJOKE

Small Children Jokes

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...

"You all have obsessions," he
observed.

To the first mother, from Toronto, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's...

There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age.

Small children and 39 year old's.

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A psychologist is conducting a group therapy session on 3 young Mother’s and their small children...

When everyone is in the room he starts by telling the Mother’s that the reason they are there is because they all have extreme addictions. He goes on to say that their actions are so strong they have even named their children after them.

To the first mother he says “ you have an addiction to...

There was a father who called his 5 small children together.

As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.

He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
He asked them “who is the most obedient?”

Five sets of eyes looked up at him.

Sensing that they...

You know what’s more fun than traveling with small children?

Anything. Literally anything…

Joe went to a party and met a woman sitting on a wooden chair with 3 small children around her

The woman happened to be Joe's long-lost aunt Froda, and upon seeing him, beckoned him to her. Froda told him, "These are my 3 children!"
She pointed to this first one.
"He is Watery."

"Why Watery?" Joe asked her.

"Cause when he was born, a droplet of water fell on his head."
...

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

"Do Lemons Whistle?"

A drunk goes up to his host at a party and says with that terrible seriousness of totally plastered adults and very small children, "Excuse Me."

The host turns around and there is the drunk, just plastered and glassy eyed, completely out of it. The host thinking there is something wrong says,...

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Boudreaux lived down by the river in deep Louisiana.

On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.

Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children, they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river. They never really met each other because neither one could s...

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From a Southwest Airlines employee

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of ca...

Coworker: You’re an idiot. Me: Nobody talks to me that way except...

My mother,
My father,
My wife,
My wife’s family,
Small children,
Large children,

And now I guess my coworkers....

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An Irishman meets a black man in a pub.

An Irishman is having a few drinks in his local pub. He notices that there's a black man at the end of the bar. Intrigued by the fact that he's there (he hadn't seen many black people before today), he decides to go talk to him. They have a friendly conversation, then they both head into the bathroo...

So a while back the Pope went on a visit...

to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.

So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven i...

What Is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

One is white, made of plastic, and very dangerous if left around small children. The other is a plastic bag.

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Good News For Pedophiles

Halloween is here, so you can stop being so secretive about giving small children free candy.

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Electric Trains

Q: What do electric trains and boobs have in common?

A: They're both meant for small children, but it's the grown men that end up playing with them.

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