UPJOKE

Slept Like A Jokes

I slept like a baby last night

That's right, I woke up every two hours, shat myself and then cried.

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Boy, I slept like a baby.

I woke up screaming every 30 minutes and was obsessed with boobs all night long.

I slept like a rock

At the bottom of the ocean with a mob boss attached to it

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

Last night I slept like a baby

I had a hairy old man patting me on the back going "ssshhhh, everything's going to be OK."

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A farmer has 18 beautiful daughters

One day three brothers were traveling when they stopped at this farmer's farmstead to rest. The farmer let them in and gave them food and drink.

Upon seeing the many beautiful maidens, the eldest brother approached the farmer, and asked, "Farmer, can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"

Th...

Bed of ants

Three young men were traveling in the same car one day. The first man was an Englishman, the second was Irish, and the third was Scottish. It was late, so they went to a hotel to pass the night.

When they got to the hotel, the three men realized that the place was filled up, and only three be...

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Three men walk into a hotel

The hotel owner has 18 daughters. The first man says "may I sleep with your 18 daughters?" The owner replies "no you may sleep with the chikens". The second man enters and says "may I sleep with your 18 daughters?" "No, you may sleep with the horses" The third man enters and says "may I sleep with y...

The three travelers.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the...

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My friend asked me how I slept last night.

I told him "I slept like a baby"

He responded "that's great!"

I don't understand why he thinks it's great to wake up 15 times in the middle of the night, crying for my parents, and pooping in my diaper?

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

I used to live in a timber yard

It was pretty comfortable. I always slept like a log.

One of my favourite jokes as a kid, for my cake day

An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman are all traveling together. It's late, and they've found a hotel to sleep at. However, when they try to book rooms, they find that the hotel is nearly fully booked.
"I'm sorry," says the receptionist. "We only have 3 beds left, and they're all very uncomfort...

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A guy was peeing on a tree

When suddenly a fairy appeared out of nowhere.

"Thank you" said the fairy.

"Your hot water saved me from a curse that was cast unto me for being stupid. I may be dumb but I can grant wishes, as a thank you for saving me from that terrible curse I can grant one of your wishes."

T...

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