UPJOKE

Sleeping On The Couch Jokes

Worst Dad Joke of the Day?

You know what IBS is, right? Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I've got is worse, IWS, Irritable Wife Syndrome. And that kids is why Dad is sleeping on the couch tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife just asked me to make love to her and make sure I do that thing that stops me orgasming quickly.

I am now sleeping on the couch and can only assume my answer of "What, turning the light on?" wasn't what she meant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just asked me if she looked fat..

This literally just happened...

My wife asked me if she looked fat after eating the biggest meal of our lives.

I said "no honey, you look great".

She said "Well you have to say that. If you didn't, I would have to kill you"

Apparently "I'd like to see your fat ass try" wa...

I like to switch things up in bed

Now I'm sleeping on the couch. Good thinking from Nintendo though. I can play here too.

What did I do wrong?

My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 dogs

(All spoken in Dog language!)
Three dogs were locked up at the vet, the first asks one of the other dogs,
"why are you here ?"
He replies, "I really love sleeping on the couch they have been telling me for years but it's so comfortable, I just can't help it, so they are putting me down"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joining the Congregation

Three married couples, an elderly pair, a middle-aged pair, and two newlyweds, are applying to be a part of the congregation of a church. The pastor tells them that part of the part of the process involves them undergoing a trial of chastity, and as such that they must refrain from sex for two full ...

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