What did the hippie say when asked to stop sleeping on the couch?


Worst Dad Joke of the Day?

You know what IBS is, right? Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I've got is worse, IWS, Irritable Wife Syndrome. And that kids is why Dad is sleeping on the couch tonight.

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My wife just asked me if she looked fat..

This literally just happened...

My wife asked me if she looked fat after eating the biggest meal of our lives.

I said "no honey, you look great".

She said "Well you have to say that. If you didn't, I would have to kill you"

Apparently "I'd like to see your fat ass try" wa...

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The wife just asked me to make love to her and make sure I do that thing that stops me orgasming quickly.

I am now sleeping on the couch and can only assume my answer of "What, turning the light on?" wasn't what she meant.

What did I do wrong?

My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving...

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3 dogs

(All spoken in Dog language!)
Three dogs were locked up at the vet, the first asks one of the other dogs,
"why are you here ?"
He replies, "I really love sleeping on the couch they have been telling me for years but it's so comfortable, I just can't help it, so they are putting me down"<...

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Joining the Congregation

Three married couples, an elderly pair, a middle-aged pair, and two newlyweds, are applying to be a part of the congregation of a church. The pastor tells them that part of the part of the process involves them undergoing a trial of chastity, and as such that they must refrain from sex for two full ...

I like to switch things up in bed

Now I'm sleeping on the couch. Good thinking from Nintendo though. I can play here too.

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An actual conversation between my wife and I...

This happened after making my wife lunch today;

Wife: "what the hell did you make me?" (As she picks through it with her fork)

Me: "What you asked for, steak and cheese"

Wife: "Yea, but it looks funny"

Me: "Just shut up and put it in your mouth" (I said jokingly with a bi...

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Me and my girlfriend got into a fight.

She said some things, I said some things.

She yelled some things, I yelled some things.

Eventually it got so heated that she went for the kill-shot. She said "you're an immature, spoiled brat." I said "alright that's it, have fun sleeping on the couch."

Later that night she come...

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