UPJOKE

Sleep With Me Jokes

I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to sleep with me...

I didn't know whether it was her or the beer talking...

Man asks woman: Would you sleep with me for 10.000$?

To wich she replies, "yeah" he then continues to ask "well, would you sleep with me for 10$?" Insulted she says "no, what do you think i am?" The man replies "we've allready determined what you are, now we just have to settle for a price"

Man: "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

Woman: "You bet!"

Man: "Ok then. How about two dollars?"

Woman: "Go to hell! Who do you think I am?!"

Man: "I know that much. Now all that's left is the price."

The first time I asked a woman to sleep with me my hands were shaking and I was sweating uncontrollably

I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before

Women don't like to sleep with me because I objectify them and am bad with technology.

You could say that I'm bad at turning things on.

The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me.

It's like being a teenager again.

At my trial the judge asked me how i justified using force to get women to sleep with me...

Apparently "Because I'm a Jedi" wasn't a good enough excuse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute says to a Yorkshireman, "Would you like to sleep with me for 100 quid?"

The Yorkshireman says, "I'm not tired, but I could do with the money"

This girl I like told me she wouldn't sleep with me if we were the last two people on Earth.

I tell her, "If we're the last two people on Earth, who's gonna stop me?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

Aboard a train a man turns to a woman and asks "would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

...She thinks about it and decides that she would. "Would you do it for $10?" he asks. "Ugh, no!" she replies. "What do you take me for?"--"I Thought we already established that and now we are haggling for the price."

So a man asked a woman " I'll pay you a million dollars to sleep with me" she said "yes" the man then asked "what can I get for a dollar?" She said "what kinda person do you think I am?"

The man replied "that's already been determined. I'm negotiating."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she wants to sleep with me.

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