UPJOKE

Six Inch Jokes

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If the fly would only drop six inches

Once upon a time there was a fish swimming in a river when it sees a huge fly above the water. The fish thinks to itself, "Man, if that fly would just drop six inches I could jump up and get a meal!"

Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish watching the fly and thinks t...

Girlfriend said she wanted six inches, and wanted it to hurt...

So i stabbed her.

A stoner rubs a bong and a genie comes out, offering three wishes.

The stoner says, "ok for my first wish, I want a six inch joint." And poof! A joint appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.

"For my second wish, I want a 12 inch blunt!" And poof! A blunt appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.

"Ok now ...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

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A fly is hovering six inches above a lake.

Under the water, a fish is sizing up the fly. "If that fly would just drop six inches, I could eat it," it thinks.
On the shore of the lake, a bear is eyeing the fish. "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for it, and I can catch the fish while it's distracted."
On top of a nearby hi...

What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and women love to get it?

A hundred dollar bill.

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Sitting on the examination table, a man says “D-D-Doctor I have a t-terrible st-t-utter and it ruins my p-p-professional and p-p-personal life.”

The doctor checks him out almost everywhere but sees no problem.

He says “take off your pants for me”.

The man hesitates but abides.

The doctor inspects him and says “I see! Your penis is about 6 inches too long, it’s pulling on your vocal chords and causing you to stutter”. ...

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A fly hovers above a lake.

A fly hovers six inches above a lake. A fish, just underneath the surface, thinks "If that fly drops six inches, I can jump up and eat the fly."

Meanwhile, a nearby bear thinks "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will eat the fly, and I can eat the fish."

Meanwhile, a hunter in the...

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A fly dropped six inches...

A fly is flying lazily over a river. The fly drops down 6 inches closer to the water.  A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, “hey that fly just dropped 6 inches, I bet it's now close enough to where I can jump up and eat it!”


There's a bear on the bank of the river, the ...

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I asked this nice girl a question the other day.

She was pretty, young, blond, had big tits and gave me a pleasant smile. I asked her if six inches satisfies? She grimaced and pondered, shifting her weight from foot to foot as if balancing the question and finally replied "no not really".

So I ordered the seven inch pizza instead.

What is six inches long, fits in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?

A toothbrush, you perverts.

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A nun was chatting with Mother Superior.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."



"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder nun.



"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line t...

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A fly is hovering six inches above a lake

Out in the wild there's a lake. And above this lake there's a fly hovering six inches above the surface.
Below the surface there's a fish, and the fish says
"If that fly drops six inches, I'm gonna get that fly."
Now on the shore there's a bear, and the bear says
"If that fly dr...

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident

Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.

Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.

Horrified, she straight cal...

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(Long) If the fly drops six inches (Best if you can rattle it off fast)

There's a fly hovering over a lake. In the lake looking up at the fly is a fish, and the fish is hungry. It's looking at the fly thinking "if that fly were to just drop six inches, i could jump up and grab it, and have a tasty meal".

There's a bear on the shore. It's looking at the fish, who...

I like my men how I like my subways.

They say it's six inches but in reality it's only four.

For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the funeral I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...

... I guess you could say I’ve taken up his mantel.

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The Fish and The Fly (Long)

Out in the woods one day there’s a Fish watching a fly. Fish is thinking to himself man if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna jump up out of that water and get me a tasty dinner.

Now there’s a bear watching the fish watching the fly. Bear says man if that fly drops six inches I’m gonna get me...

I made a huge mistake

I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.

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Three guys have a dick measuring contest

The first guy: “I’m six inches”

Second guy: “that’s nothing, I’m a foot.”

Third guy: “I’m three inches….”

First guy: “dude that’s pathe-“

Third guy: “from the floor.”

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.

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A fish was watching a fly and thought ‘if that fly drops 6 inches, I’ll jump out of this river, catch it, and have a really nice meal’.

What the fish didn’t know was that there was a bear watching from a distance. The bear thought to himself ‘if that fly drops six inches and that fish jumps out to get it, I’ll catch the fish and have a really nice meal.’

What the bear didn’t know was that there was a hunter eating a sandwich ...

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Living in the northeast, I don’t normally get mad about snow.

But this snitch ass weatherman just let my wife know what six inches actually looks like.

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There's this forest, and in this forest, there is a river.

There's this forest, and in this forest, there is a river. Now, hovering above this river is a fly and looking at this fly is a fish. And the fish is looking at the fly and its thinking to itself: "You know what? If that fly drops six inches, I'm gonna go up there and get that fly and have myself a ...

On metaphysics

When Thompson hit seventy, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer.

He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam, and he took sunbaths. In just three months’ time, Thompson lost thirty pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expanded his chest by five ...

Not fat, just short.

According to the BMI chart, at the doctors office, I don’t need to lose 25 pounds! I do need to grow about six inches but hey, it beats dieting!

I went to the Urinal in a bar today

The guy standing next to me said “is this six feet?”. I looked down and said “Mate, you’re lucky if that’s six inches”

Went out for my state sanctioned, socially distant walk today...

...and I gotta say, a lot of guys seem to measuring six feet the way they measure six inches.

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A fun joke to say when you're drunk

[Long, but worth it. Especially when everyone's drunk]

There's a fly sitting about a foot above a river.

Now there's a salmon in the river looking up at the fly thinking "you know, if that fly drops down six inches, I could jump up and snatch it and I'm gonna have a good dinner tonight...

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A Fly, Fish, Bear, Hunter, Mouse, and a Cat

Once upon a time there was a Fly buzzing over the edge of a river, and beneath the water there was a fish that saw the fly buzzing close to the water. The fish thought to himself "If that fly drops six inches I'll be able to swim up and eat it!"

Now on the shore of the river there was a bear,...

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When the fly drops 6 inches

So there's this fly, hovering above a river. Inside this river is a fish. The fish sees the fly hovering up above him and thinks, if that fly drops six inches I could swim up and eat it and have me some lunch.

Meanwhile off in the distance, a bear walks by. He sees the fish and he sees the fl...

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because they're constantly being lied to about what six inches looks like.

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I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

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A stuttering man visits his doctor

A man visited his doctor because he had a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consulted with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing ...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck.

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing past six inches too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past six inches too low. The two statisticians then give one ...

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It's a lot of fun to tell this one if you've been drinking, but it's not easy.

So there's this fly hovering 12 inches above the water.

And there's this fish whose looking at this fly, thinking "If that fly drops 6 inches, I can jump up and get that fly."

But there's this bear looking at this fish, whose looking at the fly, thinking, "If that fly drops 6 inches, t...

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A man dies and goes to Hell.

There he meets Satan, who tells him that he can spend eternity behind one of two doors.

Behind the first door is an infinite room, with people as far as the eye can see standing on their heads in an inch of dog shit.

"Eh, that seems pretty unpleasant," says the man. "Let's see what's b...

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

What do me and Subway have in common?

We both lie about it being six inches

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?

She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

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Golf humor

A man in his mid-twenties entered a confessional, made the sign of the cross, and announced, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been three years since my last confession.” The priest replied, “What is your sin, my child?”
“Well,” the young man began, “I used profane language and I feel ter...

The Proctologist

So a man walks into his proctologists office because he felt that something was wrong.
The doctor walks in, explains the test, and gloves up. After a couple seconds of pressure, the man asks if there's anything wrong. The doctor replies,"Well, the good news is that it's only the head. The bad new...

The Priest who couldn't swear!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the 1st hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, “Hoover!” under his breath.

On the 2nd hole, Father Murphy’s ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time.

On the 3rd hole,...

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Penis Size

A bunch of guys are sitting around and talking. One of them says, “So I heard the other day that you can tell a man's penis size by how long his name is”. He looks at another man and says, "Like, for instance, your name is Thomas. You could go by Tom or Tommy, but you go by Thomas, which is six lett...

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Sexual technique

Three guys are talking about sexual technique.

The french guy says "after I have made love to my wife, she says she feels as if she is floating".

The new age guy says "after I have made love to my partner, she floats six inches above the bed".

The australian guy says "I don't kn...

Deep Love

no matter how deeply you love someone, you cannot express it more than six inches deep

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An Ethical Dilemma

You are playing in the club championship knockout final and the match was all square at the end of 17 holes. You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple 7 iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it de...

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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off!”

“What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window an...

Twins

A woman gives birth to twins. At age 8, one twin notices that his brother is about an inch taller than he is, but doesn't think much of it. At age 10, his brother appears to be two inches taller, and naturally the shorter boy begins to get discouraged. When they reach the age of 12, the shorter b...

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a b...

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A man walks into a bar and starts talking to the guys there.

He and the guys have a great conversation, and they are all very interested in what everyone has to say. Eventually one of the guys asks, "Do any of you guys have any cool tricks to show us?"

The man who just walked in says, "Actually, yes I do have a trick!" He pulls a very small man out of ...

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Almost...

The kindergarten teacher is warned about little Johnny’s vulgar mouth. He uses any excuse to say a bad word.

The teacher announces, “Class, today we are going to work on our alphabet. Who can spell a simple word that starts with ‘A’?”

Little Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Oh! Oh! Pick me...

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There is a moral to this story

So there was once this fly flying around above the great lakes with no real destination, There was also this salmon stuck forever doomed to a fresh water lake, but it was one of the great lakes so it could have been worse. The salmon had noticed the fly flying around above the lake and thought to i...

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In the middle of a beautiful forest there is a pond filled with clear, cool water.

Flying about six inches above the pond is a fly. The fly is thinking "I'm thirsty. If I drop down to the surface of the pond I can get a drink".

Unknown to the fly a fish is quietly watching it and thinking "That fly looks thirsty. If it drops down to get a drink I can swim up and eat it. Tha...

A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfo...

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Two men arguing

There was two men one named bill , the other clarence . they lived on opposite sides of a river . Neither of the men could swim , and each day they would stand on opposite sides of the river cursing at each other . Bill would always say if I could swim I would come over there an kick your butt . Thi...

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