UPJOKE

Sitting On The Toilet Jokes

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I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 PM and the clock struck midnight....

I thought to myself, "Same , different day"

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I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.

I thought, “I don’t have time for this .”

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Two flies were sitting on the toilet.

One got pissed off.

There's a detective who figures out crime by sitting on the toilet.

He solves cases by process of elimination.

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.

His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.

The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every ten seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his r...

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One day, a woman is sitting on the toilet when she gets her stuck in the toilet seat.

No matter how hard she tries, she can't get unstuck, so she calls her husband for help.

The husband tries to pull the wife out of the toilet, but she still won't budge.

Finally, the husband gets his screw driver and unscrews the seat from the toilet. Now the woman can stand up, but the...

Sitting on the toilet..

this morning I was reminded of my first divorce.

At first I thought it was going to be a clean break, but then it got messy and involved lots of paperwork

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I am sitting on the toilet with the squirts.

Yes. This is a shitpost.

Women complain about men sitting on the toilet too long.

What kind of king doesn't sit on his throne?



P.s. sorry if this is unoriginal. It sounds too good to not be taken.

I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.

It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.

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It’s to be dealt cards when sitting on the toilet

Fortunately, I had a straight flush.

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What did constipated man say, sitting on the toilet?

Im getting too old for this .

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Whenever I'm sitting on the toilet and it's taking a while, I always tell myself

Hurry up, I got other to get done

I like thinking about how to solve mysteries while I'm sitting on the toilet

I'm de-deucing

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Whenever you’re sitting on the toilet all alone in silence, do you ever think something is crawling up the pipes into the toilet bowl and then is going to suddenly slither up into your ?

Well, you will now. You’re welcome!

A guy is sitting on the toilet and drops a 5 dollar bill in the now sludge-like water.

He looks at it and says
"Awe man, that's disgusting, I'm not going to stick my hand in that for 5 dollars!"
Then he takes out his wallet, pulls a twenty dollar bill out, and throws it in the bowl.
"But for 25 dollars I will!"

that awkward feeling. when you are sitting on the toilet and forgot to lock the door and your boss walks in...

and your pants are up.

All the animals in the forest decided to be eco-friendly...

...and they built a public restroom. Then one day, the window of the restroom was broken. So all the animals got together in a public meeting. The wise owl who chaired the meeting asked who broke it. The little bunny raised his hand, and explained: "You see, I was sitting on the toilet, when from th...

I came up with this joke about a month ago, just remembered to post it.

A young woman had a real big problem, all her life it took her forever to go pee. Sometimes she would be sitting on the toilet for several minutes of agony before she could squeeze out a drop. It also made her so self-conscious that she was scared to date, despite being a fairly attractive woman....

The bathroom where I work is so small.

I can easily reach the sink whilst sitting on the toilet. In fact, I save precious time by washing my hands at the same time as taking a dump, leaving me free to simply wipe and get straight back to work in the kitchen

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I like my coffee like I like my men.

Sweet and delicious and makes me feel awesome at first but then I feel like and end up sitting on the toilet regretting my life choices.

You gotta work from top to bottom!

Certainly the order of operations is important in math, but it's even more important when blowing your nose while sitting on the toilet.

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A bartender starts his shift as usual

and things are going smoothly. He shoots the with the regulars, knocking a few back as was his wont. A little later into the night a man walks in and orders a drink. After he gets the drink he sits and starts to talk to his hand. The bartender is confused for sure, he seemed normal enough when ...

One day little Timmy was taking a bath...

And his Mom decided to check up on him,
"How are you doing in there Timmy?"
"Fine mom! I'm just blowing bubbles!"
"Ok then" And his mom walks away,
A while later she goes to check up on him again and knocks the door,
"Are you done with your bath yet?"
"Yes mom'
"Can ...

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little johnny has the runs

Little Johnny is sitting on the toilet in obvious distress when his mom calls through the door "How are you doing?"

Johnny answers, "Not so well, mom, I think I need some "

His mother is astounded at this response and asks him "What do you mean, 'you need some '...

Karl had the worst headache ever.

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th...
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