UPJOKE

Single Handedly Jokes

my great grandfather single handedly took down 97 german planes in WW2

Easily the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had

I am single handedly the best counter

But I can only get to 5. . .

My grandfather was in the Hungarian army and killed 54 men single handedly

He was a cook

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub promised to plant 1 tree for every 100 views. Guess what I will do.

I will single handedly save the plant.

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a fight with my boner this morning:

Don't worry, I beat it single handedly

A new girlfriend asked me "How did you manage to stay single for so long?"

Single Handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I didn't stop masturbating.


I'm single handedly destroying my love life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm handling my porn collection....

Single handedly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 cowboys are sitting around a campfire bragging about all the adventures they’ve had over the years.

The first cowboy says, “I’ve gotta be the toughest cowboy out there. Just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and killed 3 men and I single handedly wrestled that bull to the ground.”

The second cowboy says, “that’s nothing. About 2 weeks ago I found this huge rattlesnake, so I grabb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I grew up in a small village...

...where I pretty much laid all the new roads in the place but was I known as Mikey the road layer?

No.

I single handedly built three bridges across the river there connecting the two sides of the village for the first time ever. Was I known as Mikey the bridge builder?

No....

Have you heard about the one-armed super hero?

He single handedly stops crime.

I had a dream last night that I was fighting an erection.

I was able to beat it off single handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist says im addicted to masturbation...

I vowed to beat it single handedly!

I Currently Teach a Class about Suicide

First Semester has been good so far, I Single Handedly Prevented the entire class from having suicidal thoughts or actually going through with it.

I Promised the class that I would do a suicide demonstration to show the perspective of a dead person. Ill be posting my experience in a few minut...

My colleague offered to help me filter adult contents from more than a thousand hours of video.

Nah, thanks. I'm gonna do it single handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler was a hero...

He single handedly ended the Holocaust, and killed one of the most evil people from history!

No matter what one says about Putin

It's tough running two countries single handedly

TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship.

He did it single handedly too.

He was a bit out of breath afterwards though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.

Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're shite and we can't be bothered".

Kane looks at the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

Drunk guy sat at a bar

Drunk guy sat at a bar, is on his 15+ beer of the evening when he notices 3 newcomers enter the pub and sit at the bar next to him.

"Hey, wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" he asks the nearest one.

The newcomer turns to face him and for the first time he see it's a lady with blonde hair.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Injured Pirate Captain

An old pirate captain was having a talk with a young pirate captain out on the docks.

They joked for a bit until the young captain gets the courage to ask: “What happened to your leg?”

The old captain was eager to respond: “Oh this ‘ere leg? Well ye see lad, I was in a chase with an en...

All numbers are equal

Long ago in the Kingdom of Natural Numbers, there used to be slaves. The citizens appreciated the number 2 so much, to a point that they would determine one's social class by his/her divisibility by 2. And those not divisible by 2 - sorry, then they're slaves.

7 was born an odd number. That's...

To be part of the clan...

A man is looking for a radical life change. After considerable thought, he decides to move to the freezing regions of Alaska, to live with the Eskimos. He leaves soon afterwards.

He really enjoys his time there. He seems to be getting along with everyone, and has learned to adapt to the ha...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.