Wife: "I think this outfit makes me look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, while they're just laying there, her phone rings.
The woman answers and has a short conversation.
When she hangs up her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having o...
Sales
It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency,were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house qui...
A blonde is in bed with her lover when suddenly the phone rings.
She answers and has a short conversation with the caller. When the call ends, she turns to her lover and says: “That was Frank. He told me not to worry and not to stay up and wait for him tonight cause he’s playing cards with you.”
Funny (true) story
I drove 250 miles to see my son and his family over Christmas. He knows he's getting my car when I die (I'm terminal, but no telling when) so he checks it out every time he sees it. It's well taken care of; 275,000 miles and I keep it spotless and running perfectly.
He was checking the oil, a...
A Jewish businessman sent his son to Israel for a year...
...so he could know a bit more about their culture. When he came back home, the son said:
'Dad, Israel was great! Oh and by the way, I became Christian.'
'Oh no!' said the father. 'What have I done?'
The father then went to hang out with his best friend and told him about his mi...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man in a bar walks up to the bartender...
...and says, pointing to an empty glass at the other end of the bar, "you see that glass over there? I bet you $500 that I stand right here and piss in that glass without spilling a single drop".
The bartender looks at the glass, which is about 5 meters away, turns to the guy and says "you ha...
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