I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner…

all it was doing was gathering dust.

I was trying to sell my pet python today

Guy asked: “is it big?”

I said: “Huge!”

He said: “How many feet?”

I said: “None - it’s a snake!”

I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...

Only driven from time to time.

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

I sell my weed fast

Call it insta gram

I have decided to wrap myself up and sell my body.

I told the mail man to put a stamp on me and drop me as a parcel to whoever accepts me.
I just view myself as a bag of energy, but my intellectualism goes over people’s head.

Sadly, no one gets me.

So i tried to sell my soul to Satan for my crush's affiliation

He said he's running a business,not a charity

I want to sell my boomerang

But I don't know what it is worth, so let's throw it out there and see what comes back

I’m going to sell my theremin,

I haven’t touched it in years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm

It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.

I had to sell my Honda

Guess I am out of my element now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sell my stuff

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry a...

I would never sell my organs.

If you want them, you'll have to go through me!

I recently had to sell my calculator manufacturing business.

The numbers just weren't adding up.

I've been trying to sell my child to any house that will take her.

I'm a daughter door salesman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to sell my old dogging stuff on eBay this week, without success.

No bidders but I did have 12 watchers.

So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies...

On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i was never scared from then on

A man went to the therapist and told him

Oh I can’t sleep at night cause i am afraid of the monster under my bed The therapist told him: i will help you, you will take with me three sessions a week each one costing 200$ and in month you will be able to sleep The man left and didn’t came ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This little old Jewish grandma took her precious grandson Michael to the beach. A a giant wave rolled up and washed little Michael into the sea.

Grandma falls to her knees, clasps her hands and looks up to the heavens and screams to God, "Lord, bring back my grandson and I'll be the best person in the world. I'll sell my stocks and give the money to the poor, I'll never say an angry word again. I will keep the Sabbath and pay all my employee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a Kurdish joke and I hope I can translate it well. So a man is planning to visit Europe for a year...

Before he leaves to the airport he goes to the supermarket to get essentials. As he’s there he sees Kiwis and he absolutely loved them, but unfortunately he can’t buy them now since he’s leaving, but he promises himself when he gets back he’ll buy some from the same guy.

He departs to Europe ...

Sell books

A well-known writer is going to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with the authors' books. After the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy and asked, "Does your store only sell my books?"

"Of course not." The b...

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