UPJOKE

Sell My Jokes

A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

The children unanimously replied, "No."

The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."

Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how ...

I’ve decided to sell my hoover…

well it was just collecting dust.

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust!

I had to sell my soul to the devil for the world best wig.

It was a hell toupee.

I think I'm going to sell my theremin

I haven't touched it in ages...

I was trying to sell my pet python today

Guy asked: “is it big?”

I said: “Huge!”

He said: “How many feet?”

I said: “None - it’s a snake!”

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

I sell my weed fast

Call it insta gram

So i tried to sell my soul to Satan for my crush's affiliation

He said he's running a business,not a charity

I want to sell my boomerang

But I don't know what it is worth, so let's throw it out there and see what comes back

I'm looking to sell my Delorean

Is in good condition. Not to many miles on the clock, only driven from time to time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm

It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sell my stuff

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry a...

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me a...

I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies...

On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

I decided to sell my theramin.

I haven't touched that thing in years.

I had to sell my Honda

Guess I am out of my element now

I would never sell my organs.

If you want them, you'll have to go through me!

I recently had to sell my calculator manufacturing business.

The numbers just weren't adding up.

I've been trying to sell my child to any house that will take her.

I'm a daughter door salesman.

So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

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