The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An oldie, but a goodie. [NSFW] [Long]

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar filled with $100 bills lying on the counter. From the looks of it, there's at least ten grand in the jar. He asks the bartender about it. "It's part of a bet we've got going on," the bartender tells him. "You place $100 in the jar, and then you have to complete ...

My wife said she is divorcing me if I don’t quit making Red Hot Chili Peppers puns.

I assured her “We could put this all under the bridge and I would see her on the other side of it. Although I used to think I can’t stop I will because I don’t want her getting scar tissue emotionally. By the way, what’s for dinner?”

Anyway, she’s leaving me.

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