UPJOKE

Savings Time Jokes

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time . . .

My girlfriend thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Daylight savings time.

Is the government cutting off the bottom of a blanket and sewing it to the top and saying ,"see its longer now".

I’m not so sure about this daylight savings time thing

I give it six months

I’ve been trying to write a song about Daylight Savings Time

But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better than Spice Girls’ 2 become 1

Did you know that Germans were the first to adopt daylight savings time?

It's definitely the second worst thing they've ever done.

I don't get the reasoning behind switching to Daylight Savings Time in the USA

I guess I'm still in the dark.

Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day.

Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.

What do you think of the return to Daylight Savings Time tonight?

Eh, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury

I need to buy a smaller sundial.

Daylight Savings Time

Can't believe they fired me from the clock factory
after all the extra hours I put in.

I really like daylight savings time, I got an extra hour of sleep last night

I was in bed for 7 hours, but when I woke up it was EIGHT HOURS LATER!!!!

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What’s old, annoying and only fucks you twice a year?

Daylight savings time

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Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life.

I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong ... I think i...

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Zack late to his work

Zach's boss was super pissed as Zack was an hour late to the work because of the daylight savings time.

After the boss left, Zack kick a lamp to vent out his frustration.

Suddenly a genie appeared and said - you have made me free. I will grant you a wish.

Zack - Can you bring pe...

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