UPJOKE

Save Money Jokes

I've decided to save money on cat food by getting a bird bath.

Don't @ me. Predators and water go together in nature. Alligators and swamps. Sharks and oceans. Catholic priests and baptism fonts.

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. Tha...

If you want to save money this Christmas.

Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.

Santa didn't make it through the pandemic..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she’d like us to save money for her to get breast implants

I told her, “Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your breasts every day.”

She said, “What the hell is that going to do?”

I said, “I don’t know but it seems to have worked wonders on your ass.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saving money

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into an old school china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. ...

The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.

I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Save money!

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge ba...

How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

They push Two twins together to make a King

One day I'll have to cook for myself to save money.

I'm telling my mother that I'll have to get better at cooking to save money when I move away. My 13 y.o. sister interrupts by saying, "Your water bill from flushing so much will make up for that."

How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

They use gaslighting.

Save money instantly

by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.

A young couple are trying to save money on their summer vacation.

They bring their bags to the discount airline desk to check in.

“Do you have reservations?” asks the woman behind the counter.

“More than a few,” the young man answered, “but we’re flying with you guys anyway.”

3 college students are living together to save money

One day they decided to carpool to class to conserve gas and cash, but they live in the top floor of a 30 floor apartment complex. The elevator breaks, which makes them have to take the stairs. The 3 deside to make time fly. The first 16 floors guy one tells a really happy story, the second 10 floor...

How does Gordan Ramsey save money?

Swear Jar

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

What does a guy that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel?

He turns it off

Due to the economic crisis, my dad decides to save money this year by shopping for a smaller Christmas tree. As he proudly places it on the checkout desk the cashier asks...

"Are you going to put this little tree up yourself sir?", to which my dad answers, "No I'm not you filthy animal! I'm going to put it in the living room!!"

How did the half Jew, half Muslim save money?

He supported ISIS, but wrote it off as a charitable donation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Save Money on phone sex lines

...by texting filth to your landline and have the BT woman read it to you at a fraction of the cost.

To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

How did the church save money on their electric bill?

They switched to souler power from the son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the toilet paper shortage of the pandemic I found out a way to massively save money on toilet paper

Firstly I bought a bidet add-on kit for my toilet. But the biggest impact on my toilet paper usage has been that I just quit giving a shit.

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

If you're trying to save money you should buy more pasta...

it's worth every penne!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Barnes and Noble was trying to save money, so they started hiring chickens at their checkout stands.

It started out working pretty well. They were having a sale, and a guy brings two books up to the chicken cashier.

"Book, book! Buck buck buck!" said the chicken. The man paid him $3.



Then a guy brings up five books. The chicken looked a little worried, took a deep breat...

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

My wife loves making pickles

She has asked me to grow some of the ingredients for her recipe in the garden to save money, but they haven't been producing very well.

It's been a real up dill battle.

Rabbit is riding his new bicycle, when he meets bear

Rabbit is riding his new bicycle, when he meets bear. Bear clearly drunk:

"Hey rabbit, where did you get new bicycle?"

"I don't drink, I save money, I can afford a bicycle."

After some time rabbit has new motorbike and as he is taking it for a drive, he meets beer again, who is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Ex-wife Wanted a b00b Job.

In an effort to save money, I told her that taking a few sheets of toilet tissue and rubbing it between her boobs twice a day would make her boobs grow. So my ex did this diligently for 3 months. Finally, after seeing no improvement, she came to me with a look of disappointment on her face. She aske...

A group of accountants and a group of engineers take a trip together on a train

The 3 accountants each buy tickets, but the 3 engineers only buy one ticket to share. "How do you think that's going to work?" asks one of the accountants. "You'll see.", an engineer responds.

As the train leaves the station, all 3 of the engineers pile into a bathroom and when the conductor ...

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