Save Me Jokes

A man of faith hears on the radio there's going to be flooding. He shrugs at thradio and says, "God will take care of me."

He wakes up the next day and the first floor of his house is flooded.. as the water rises, he climbs up into the roof.

A guy floats by in a canoe and s... read more

A man was out swimming one morning when suddenly he was swept out to sea. The man didn't panic though, for he knew in his heart, that God would save him. After treading water some time, along comes a kid on a small sail boat.
The kid see the man, waves,

"Howdy mister! Need some help?" <... read more

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God... read more

A heavy rain began to fall onto a small town. Townspeople were instructed to evacuate as it was believed the rain would not stop and floods were coming.

One man refused to leave. A van pulled up in front of the house and emergency personnel instructed the man to evacuate as the rain became he... read more

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y... read more

God : as jpg or png???

Just to start off, this joke was considered blasphemy by a devout Christian. Sorry if it offends you for whatever reason.

John was on the roof of his house as the city was flooding.

A raft stops by and ask the man, "Hey, jump into the raft. The entire city is flooded and you're going t... read more

A man just back from a long trip through the tropics starts feeling very unwell. He goes to see his doctor, but passes out in the office and is rushed to hospital for tests.

The man wakes up alone in a private room, feeling awful, wondering what is happening to him. Soon, a phone by his bed r... read more

A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck.

“Hop in and we can all g... read more

Save me before they

A flood was going to ravage a city, and most people saw the alert and evacuated. One lady, however, decided that if God really loved her, He would save her from the flood. So she climbs up onto the roof of her apartment building and waits.
The flood begins to rise and a rescue helicopter flies ov... read more

A priest was on a cruise ship when the ship began to sink quite suddenly. Being a man who puts others before himself, he finds the smallest piece of driftwood that would support his weight, grabs hold of it and floats in the middle of the ocean. 15 minutes go by and along comes a rubber dinghy, almo... read more

A man is living in a house when a dam breaks and a violent flash flood happens and hits his whole neighborhood. The water begins rising higher and higher every moment. He's standing outside knee deep in water when some people on a canoe show up, they say to him "Hurry, get onto our canoe and we'll... read more

So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded.
(Let’s call him father Otis)
when there is a couple of inches of water on the ground a guy on a surfboard comes along and says in a think Mexican accent "father Otis I get you to safety just hop on my board and I take... read more

A man is drowning. A helicopter arrives with a dangling rope, but he waves it away, shouting,
; "I am waiting for God
to save me!" After several minutes, a man on a raft appears.


Again the drowning man waves the rescuer away, explaining that he is waiting for God. When another boat ... read more

Every day, they go out walking together, talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. One day, they happen to wander too closely to a sinkhole, and the horse falls in. As the horse flails about, the chicken looks around desperately, trying to figure out how to save her friend. That... read more

A boat stopped by and the sailor said:
"Hey there, do you need help?"

The man then said: "No thank you, God will save me"

The sailor left in a hurry and confused.

The man kept praying and praying.

A second boat arrived and the sailor said holding the lifejacket:
<... read more

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean. A lifeguard swims past and asks the priest: "Do you need help?"
Priest replies: "Don't worry. God will save me."
A few minutes go by and another life guard swims past. He says: "Here, grab my hand I can help you get back to shore"
Priest rep... read more

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua... read more

The coronavirus is killing tens of thousands.

Early on, a scientist says ***"Keep your distance and wash your hands regularly."***

The fellow shouted back, ***"No, it's OK - I don't need to keep distance, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."***

The pandemic rages on. ... read more

In a small town in Italy, there was a church with a priest that was known over the entire country for his strong beliefs in Jesus.

One day a huge flood came into the village. all the people climbed onto the roofs of their houses and waited for boats.

The Priest hid on the roof of the c... read more

A ship is sinking and the passengers are rushing to rescue boats to leave the shipwreck. On the ship there is a priest who refuses to get on the boats.



The lifeguard says "get on the boat priest, we have to go".


The priest says "No, god will save me, give my seat to someone... read more

Jack: Rose! There’s enough room, you can save me!
Rose: There’s one thing you should know about me Jack. I’m actually 26 years old!
Jack: …
Rose: Jack?
Jack: *drifts away into the dark depths of the ocean*

A Buddhist, a Muslim and a Christian quarrels over whose god is the most powerful. They eventually decided to have a competition by showing that their god can save them from a grave danger.

So they all went to the edge of a cliff. The buddhist said "I will jump off this cliff but as I call t... read more

Statler said "Wow! I wish I could look like that!" Looking very perplexed, Waldorf said "You do!?" and Statler replied with "Yeah! It would save me the cost of a Halloween costume!" Then they both laughed out loud.

A fellow was ~~stuck on his rooftop in a flood~~ going about his regular business in the middle of a pandemic. He was praying to God ~~for help~~ to keep him safe.

Soon a man ~~in a rowboat~~ with a Pfizer vaccine came by and the fellow shouted to the man, "~~Jump in~~Roll up your sleeve, I c... read more

A preacher in New Orleans is known to be a good, holy man of God.

One day, while the preacher is at home, a hurricane whips up, with torrential rains and rising waters. His neighbor comes by, saying he's leaving, and would the preacher like ride? The preacher says, "No, the Lord will save me... read more

stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I ... read more

So nice of her to save me the gas money.