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Ace Ventura decided to run for politics

He's already good at talking out of his ass.

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020

Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry

Why didn't Alexa run for Senate?

Because she likes being Speaker of the House.

Why did the dime run for President?

Because people kept saying they wanted to vote for change.

Matthew McConaughey considering a run for Texas Governor.

He's planning to run on an alt-right, alt-right, alt-right platform.

I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.

If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. Hell, why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!

I wanted to run for president of China, but apparently I'm not allowed to.

At least, that's what Xi said...

Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president

Bernie Sanders: I am running

Andrew Yang: I am running

Kamala Harris: I am running

Elizabeth Warren: I am running

Joe Biden: Me too

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

My wheelchair-bound friend said he wanted to run for president.

Guess he’ll just be sitting for president.

I'm planning to run for office.

My car broke down.

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Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

Why do non Jewish movies run for so long?

It’s because they’re uncut

I went for a run , but came home back after 2 minutes because I forgot something

I forgot that I was fat and couldn't run for more than 2 minutes.

Why did the minus sign run for office?

To make a difference.

Why did the lead pipe run for president?

Because he was born to lead.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president...

...and 50 for Miss America?

"Donald says he wants to run for President and move on into the White House...

...why not; it wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home" -Snoop Dogg

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...

It's only because he's Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...

If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President...

He could only lose to paper.

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President

Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President..
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton ...

Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The Scarecrow should run for Congress

As they lack a heart, mind, and courage

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton run for president. Who loses?

America.

Dwayne Johnson has said that he would run for President...

As long as he isn't up against paper, then he should win.

A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim.

Of course they're swimming naked as you do. All of a sudden, two busses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbis congregation and out of the other pours the priests congregation. Their clothes are on the other side of the lake so they don't have time to retrieve them, they just have to make a run for it...

If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be...

Franken Stein 2020

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune ...

To run for president, which part of a woman must you grab?

Their attention.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work...

Then they get elected and prove it.

inspired by the recent election, i'm going to run for president

the first step will be to change my name to "none of the above".

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A DEA agent stopped by my farm yesterday.

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The DEA officer exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the federal government with me!”, he shouted before pul...

Oprah said she might run for president, and it started a conversation about who would run against Trump. But we already know who becomes president after Trump ...

Lisa Simpson

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[OC] If they wanted an orange puppet at the helm, Ernie should have run for other team.

At least the hand up his ass is an American.

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

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