UPJOKE

Rumor Has It Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rumor has it there is a homosexual in our office.

I hope it's Craig he's really cute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rumor has it...

There’s a cliff you can leap off of, shout out a word, and land in whatever you said.

Three men heard of this rumor and traveled to that cliff. One man leaps off and shouts, “Hundred dollar bills!” Sure enough, he lands in enough money to last him the rest of his life.

The next man jum...

Rumor has it Marvel is gonna make a movie about Iron Woman

The cast will have a FeMale.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rumor has it that a movie about Reddit was recently scrapped

Apparently there was already a movie called "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

Rumor has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn’t wake up for 3 days.

Easter Joke... Nailed it.

Rumor has it that distraught Chicago Bear's field goal kicker Cody Parker tried to end his life recently.

The bullet went wide right.

Rumor has it there's a basketball court on the roof of the Supreme Court building.

It's the highest court in the land.

Rumor has it there is a cult that worships Earth as a deity and sees natural disasters as messages from Mother Gaia. It's called...

...The Order of Magnitude.

Rumor has it Tom Hanks just signed a deal to star in a sequel to one of his greatest 80s blockbusters.

Big, if true.

Putin declares all Russian government computers must be Macs

Rumor has it that he's scared to go near Windows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate my past self,

rumor has it he used to fuck my wife.

Ever heard of the blind gynaecologists?

Rumor has it he could read lips.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.

Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island.

Nobody knows how a Wookiee taste.

Rumor has it that at least one is Chewie.

A dying wife gave her husband a gift before she passed

She knew he loved to go fishing so she got him a new fishing pole, some new hooks, and one absurdly long fishing line. One day he went out to the lake to do some fishing, however he never came back and nobody has seen him since. Rumor has it he's still reeling from the loss.

They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now

Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.

I'm so sorry.

A man is sentenced to death by firing squad

On the day he is going to get executed, he doesn't ask for a last meal or anything special like that.


When he is standing facing the firing squad he asks the guard one thing


Man: I am a music lover and I didn't ask for anything special on my last day. Can you please let me sing...

A village is being terrorized by a man eating tiger.

All the villagers' efforts to catch this tiger have been in vain. They call an acclaimed hunter "One shot Bob" who is so named because rumor has it that he can disable or kill any animal with just one shot.

So the hunter arrives, all smug and self assured. He prepares for the hunt and perch...

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[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-endowed man has a 25-inch penis...

But it is too much for the ladies. So you goes to a doctor saying, "Doc, you got to help me. I have a 25-inch penis but it is too big. I need to make it smaller. What can I do?"

The doctor tells him, "Listen, I can't do anything for you, but rumor has it that there is a talking frog in the fo...

In a city, not so long ago, there was a collective of friars.

These friars decided to come to this city to spread their religion by buying a church. This church was old (the only church the city had for sale, really), but the friars didn't care. They put on some of that good ol' elbow grease and got it looking good again. Once their church was as ready as can ...

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