UPJOKE

Roy Moore Jokes

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18

Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened?

He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy

What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key?

A minor

Why is Roy Moore avoiding COVID-19?

He’d much rather catch COVID-16.

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

Why did Roy Moore lose the election?

There’s a minimum age for voting

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.

Roy Moore demanded a recount

The results came back that she was 14 and a half.

Why was Roy Moore a bad music teacher?

All he knew how to do was finger a minor.

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He’s demanding a recount.

Why did Roy Moore lose the Senate race?

He enjoys coming in a little behind.

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

Why did Roy Moore go to Walmart?

He heard that girl's pants were half off.

What does Roy Moore and an e-book have in common?

They're both pdf files.

Why does Roy Moore like D.C.

Because, while the temperature is 30°, the real feel is in the teens.

Trump endorsed Roy Moore but not Don Blankenship...

I guess it's all right to mess with minors, but miners are off limits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't Roy Moore live in a Northern state?

Because if the outside temperature drops into the teens he might try to fuck it

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*

Roy Moore is in bed with a girl, and says "pretend you're 14". She found that really weird...

Her birthday was in 4 months anyway.

The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.

He hasn't been banned from the National Mall

What's the difference between Bob Ross and Roy Moore?

One's a doodler and the other's a diddler.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.

Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.

What does Roy Moore call a high school track meet?

Speed dating

I don't understand all the uproar about Roy Moore lately.

It seems like a minor issue to me.

Roy Moore is not happy with the events that transpired tonight

He liked it better when the night was young

The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today.

It is expected to dip into the teens.

What is the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-vaxxer?

Anti-vaxxers don't like to stick 'em while they're young.

Roy Moore wasn't as disappointed with his loss as you may think.

Coming in a little behind was his plan the whole time.

In the Alabama senatorial race next week, Roy Moore is either going to win...

...or he's going to come in a little behind.

Did you see that Roy Moore had a high profile interview on Dateline NBC?

What was unfortunate for him is that it was with Chris Hansen, who started it by asking him to take a seat over there.

[NSFW] Why did Roy Moore never miss a local Girl Scouts' meeting?

Because Brownies are delicious.

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

Why is Roy Moore’s Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?

He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.

I wanna ask Roy Moore voters how they feel about losing such a close race.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak Russian.

I’m really surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount in the Alabama election

Large gaps in numbers haven’t seemed to bother him before.

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?

Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

How childish are Trump's tweets?

Let's just say Roy Moore would date them.

I'm not saying my cat is old..

.. but if it was a person, it would be too old for Roy Moore.

Can you imagine going to your girlfriend’s prom at 32?

Well neither could Roy Moore. He preferred freshmen.

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