Termite Food

So I work in a retail store where we routinely have shipments of freight arriving on wooden skids. A truck driver will come by every week or so, and pick up the empty skids so they can be reused.

Out of curiosity, I asked the driver if he ever worried about termites getting into his trailer....

What do you call a girl that routinely does kegel exercises?

Jacked in the box

An officer routinely waits outside the bar...

An officer routinely waits outside the bar in his squad car on the weekends to get an easy catch on the drunk drivers. This particular night on his early patrols he passes a large group of regulars walking into the bar. He makes a mental note to come back and wait. A few hours later the officer pull...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife routinely turns down my sexual advances because she has headaches. Feeling particularly horny last night I prepared for that scenario.

As she joined me in bed I asked her if she would like to make love. She declined with her usual headache.

I carefully pulled back the bed-sheet, exposing my erection which was covered in a white powder.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
"Honey, it's aspirin. You can take it orally o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the other day I'm at my routinely checkup.

The doctor tells me to pull down my pants so he can examine my genitals, so I do that. He takes a look, and after about 30 seconds he says to me, "you have to stop masturbating." I ask, "what, why?" to which he replies "because we're in the middle of a checkup!"

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

A man walks into a bar.

He opens a tab, buys a few drinks, pays, then leaves.

The next day, he opens a tab, buys drinks, pays, leaves.

This goes on routinely, day by day.

On the fourth week of opening tabs and buying drinks, his browser crashed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a bar and orders for a beer. "Here's what you do, you give me a fresh new bottle each time I finish until I tell you to stop." he tells the bartender

The bartender sees nothing wrong with his request, and nods.

Immediately the man downs his beer, pulls out his wallet, looks at a picture, and downs another bottle. He does this routinely until he reaches 10 bottles at which he finally takes out money from his wallet, pays for the beers, and ...

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