UPJOKE

Restaurant Owner Jokes

A Chinese restaurant owner arrives home very drunk.

He crawls into bed next to his wife and shakes her awake, whispering, " Hey honey, how about a little 69?"

She jumps out of bed, livid, and yells at him, "You come home at 3am, stinking of whiskey, wake me up, and have the nerve to ask me for some pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, and an eg...

What did the new Italian restaurant owner say after he found out he forgot to add a desert menu?

Affogato 'Bout It!

Three restaurant owners were arguing about their food

The first one said, "My spicy sauce is super hot! I put a bottle of pepper spray in every batch, and after just one spoon, people can't take anymore and shout for water."

The second one replied, "My spicy sauce is even hotter! I put three bottles of pepper spray in every batch, and the smell ...

A restaurant owner visits a fridge repair shop...

...and asks, "do y'all do walk-ins?"

did you hear the one about the mexican restaurant owner who died?

he wanted to be put in the ground upside down with his ankles and feet showing, with one final instruction to the people at his funeral:



burritos

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

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A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a patĂŠ from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

A restaurant owner offered me a free calamari appetizer if I gave him a good review on Yelp

It was squid pro quo.

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A restaurant owner tells his bartender: ok, today we're gonna serve a special cocktail.

You have to take 10 grams of vodka, dilute it in 100 liters of water and that's basically it.

Bartender: What is this, some mental institution inmates celebrate an anniversary of their institutionalization?

The restaurant owner: No, just a bunch of homeopaths having a corporate party.

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

A restaurant owner wouldn't serve Mel Brooks, Whoopi Goldberg, or Andrew Lloyd Webber.

I never expected to see such EGOT-ism in this day and age.

A restaurant owner was looking for a cook

And he found a man named Deway. Deway was an excellent cook-- his dishes were exquisite and his recipes were simple. He cooked quickly and efficiently and cleaned up after himself. The owner hired him immediately, but he quickly noticed that Deway loved to mutter and grumble to himself as he cooked....

A restaurant owner says that he employs a 2-meter tall musician.

The musician was 160 cms tall, just another man exaggerating the size of his pianist.

I regularly mess with the owner of the restaurant across the road.

I myself am a restaurant owner and regularly go into the restaurant across the street to mess with the owners head.

It started out small, changing the salt in the salt shakers for sugar. Removing the labels from tin cans so they wouldn’t know what’s in them. During this whole time the owner ...

Restaurant owner warns his employee: "one must open oysters carefully"...

The employee answers: "no shucking fit!"

City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

A restaurant owner hires a carpenter, an interior decorator and an SEO expert.

A bistro owner is three days away from opening her new business and hires a carpenter, an interior decorator and an SEO expert to help with designing the dining area to better attract customers. On the first day the carpenter crafts a beautiful bar at the end of her restaurant and brings in mahogany...

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Pubes & Noodles

A man eating noodles in a restaurant calls the waiter and say "There is a pube in my noodles. I am leaving and not paying for this". The restaurant owner is pissed and asks the waiter to chase the client.

The waiter follows the man who is heading to a brothel. He eventually finds him nose dee...

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.

She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, sla...

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The Japanese-American was a long-time customer at

this Greek restaurant because he had discovered that they made especially tasty fried rice. Each evening he'd come in he would order "flied lice."

This always caused the Greek restaurant owner to nearly roll on the floor with laughter. Sometimes he'd have two or three friends stand nearby ju...

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In a Spanish town, testicles of the bull are served in a restaurant the next day of a bullfight.

In the restaurant, a man orders testicles.He is surprised and asks ' Why are the testicles so small?'

The restaurant owner replies ' The bull won yesterday.'

We don't serve pandas in here...

A panda walked into a restaurant and ordered a meal. After the panda ate, he shot the waiter and left. They called the police and the cop said, “I guess the waiter hadn’t looked up the definition of a panda”. The restaurant owner looked up the definition and it said “panda, an animal that eats shoot...

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The eel shop

A Japanese laborer was so poor he couldn’t afford any side dishes and ate only rice. At lunch he would take his bento box and sit behind an unagi restaurant. Before each bite he would inhale the delicious smell coming from the restaurant and then put the plain rice into his mouth.

After a co...

Two Jewish guys go to a Kosher Chinese restaurant.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ...

[Pun] Say it in simple English

Chicken: Sir, the chef at this fine establishment is planning to violently seize power and overthrow our government!

Restaurant owner: Can you please say that in simple English?

Chicken: Cookdocoup

Bullfighting novice

A tourist goes to Spain wanting to see some bullfights. After attending a full day of it, he fells quite hungry and goes to a little restaurant just by the bullfighting stadium. The special of the day are the meatballs, which he orders without much enthusiasm. Just some meatballs in a small restaur...

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