UPJOKE

Really Long Jokes

What do you call a really long metaphor?

It's like, a metafive

PS I made this up myself and I'm really proud of it

I waited in a really long line that turned out to be fake.

It was a giant faux queue.

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Dave has been having a hard time at work, working really long hours for the past few months, so his wife decides to take him to the strip club.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

My mailman has a really long name

There's just so many letters.

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My girlfriend always takes really long showers after watching movies starring chris pratt

I dont know what shes doing in there but it gives me plenty of time to jerk off to chris pratt

This is gonna be a really long one.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee

I expect the Musk-Twitter feud to take a really long time to resolve

I mean, one should expect Elon-gate to drag out

My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time.

He got a trophy.

Ever since quarantine, my pubes have gotten really long,

But think about all the money I've saved on dental floss.

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It’s been a really long time since I had sex

I put a semen sample under a microscope and my little guys looked like frogs.

I want to make a really long, bad lizard joke...

But I don't want to let it dragon.

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Really long joke but good

This guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parro...

Just developed an app that let's me condense really long paragraphs into a couple of lines.

I've always struggled with being able to express myself in fewer words and hence had to find something that would help me So I booted up my pc and got to coding until I finally did it! I successfully created an app that reads through all my typed and creates the most optimal sentence to summarise ev...

I was going to post a really long joke about a mythical fire breathing animal

But it'd drag on.

She can't sleep (really long)

credit: Bill Moen, an 80's San Francisco Bay Area radio personality. Stuck with me for decades, I can still hear his voice telling it:

A couple are in bed and in the middle of the night she wakes up and gets to thinking and now can't sleep. Her husband turns over and she figures he's awake to...

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Was told this joke a couple of years ago and I still find it funny. (Kind of really Long)

So there's three guys in a car. One is a scientist, one a mathematician, and one a truck driver. Suddenly, one of the tires gets stuck in a pothole, the car flips over and they all die. They ascend to heaven and the guy at the gate tells them "There's only room for one of you here. You will all h...

What starts with "p," ends with "s," and is really long?

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

If you want some Vietnamese soup but there is a really long line

It's basically a big pho queue

At a European airport I saw a guy with a really long and very thin suitcase.......

I went up to him and asked: “Tell me, are you a Pole Vaulter?”
He replied: “Nein, I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”

What did the detective say when he received a really long letter?

"I'll get to the bottom of this."

I hate it when I blow a guy for a really long time, but he doesn't cum...

It's like that Coldplay song,
"when you try your best, but you don't suck seed"

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

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What was the headline when a former Ghostbuster’s family dug a really long ditch in his home country?

A Dan, A Clan, A Canal, Canada

An old married couple is in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turns back to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

I had a really long dream last night that I was a muffler under a car.

When I woke up this morning I was exhausted!

A guy and a girl are going to prom together.

She wants a new dress, so they spend time shopping for the dress and he stands in line for the checkout for a very long time, but eventually makes it to the counter to buy the dress for her.

She also asks for a corsage, so the guy goes to the floral shop to buy her a corsage. The line is ver...

I worked in the restaurant business a really long time and people always said I should wash my hands after going to the bathroom. I usually didn’t.

But you know what, I never got sick from it.

If I had a nickel for every time I entered a store with a really long line to just buy some gum...

I'd have enough money to buy some gum

A huge man with really long legs was standing right beside my bed whilst I slept last night, and so I kicked him hard in the shin.

Turns out it wasn't a tall man and my top bunk came crashing down on my face.

A man was found guilty of overusing commas.

The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

A kid asks her crush out to the prom and she says yes. So he really wants to impress

He wants to buy her some nice flowers, rent a tuxedo, and a limo.

So he goes to the flower store and there's a really long flower line. He waits for hours and finally gets to the desk and buys the flowers

He then goes to the tuxedo store and, again, there's a really long tuxedo line. H...

A man and a woman are on their way to their wedding...

They get into a terrible car crash and are killed instantly. They find themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says "welcome! You have both lived good lives and are welcome into heaven!"

The man says, "That's wonderful, but we were on our way to our wedding to...

A young couple dies just a few days before their planned wedding.

They both get accepted to heaven. However, they ask St. Peter if they could get married in heaven, as they were already planning their wedding. "Look. Usually, we do not do that here. But since you had a wedding planned already on Earth, I think you could be an exception. But I should let you know, ...

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