UPJOKE

Read Out Loud Jokes

Best read out loud

I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis Contest

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," s...

Why Can’t Thor play Piano?

He hates playing the Lokis.


(I know it’s bad plus it’s better read out loud)

Religious

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man once entered a fancy restaurant

A blind man once entered a restaurant known for its exquisite cuisines, with the help of some people he managed to sit at a table and called out for the waiter

The waiter being extremely courteous asked if he wanted the menu to be read out loud, the blind man said it wasn't necessary, all the...

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in your genes.

(Best read out loud)

If I were to invade Djibouti...

Do you think Greece would help? [read out loud]

Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach?

Because he was wandering around with a semillon.

(best when read out loud)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian in New York

*Note: this joke is best read out loud, in the best Italian accent you can do.*

So, I hear all my friends tell me how much they like New York, so I decide I'm gonna go visit. I take the plane to New York from Rome, an' by the time I get there, it's the middle of the night.

So I go to ...

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