UPJOKE

Ran Through Jokes

You cannot RUN through a campsite, you can only RAN through a campsite.

Because it's past tents

A rodent just ran through my kitchen…

I got him with my Mickey Mouse club.

Albert Einstein was a genius and it ran through his family.

His brother, Frank, created a monster.

Why did the mother bear ask the baby bear to wear shoes before he ran through the forest?

Because he was barefooted!!!

My dalmatian got away from me and ran through a car wash.

Now he's spotless.

One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!"

He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg

He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over.

"Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?"...

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I must be losing it, I could have sw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap'
That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the groun...

Barry worked on a farm

He was absolutely obsessed with farm machinery, particularly tractors. He loved working on them, driving them, ploughing with them, and at the end of the day cleaning them.

His room was filled with tractor posters, he often completed puzzles of tractors, built and painted small model tractors...

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

One rainy, windy night, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetery.

As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side -

...

A farmer was in court being questioned by a lawyer.

The lawyer asks the farmer ‘did you tell the officer you were fine?’

The farmer replies ‘well I was crossing the road when the semi...’

The lawyer cuts him off and says ‘it’s a yes or no question. Did you tell the officer you were fine?’

The farmer again starts to say ‘well I wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman meets her friend in heaven

She says Marge!! I didn't know you died! What Happened?"
"I froze to death"
"Oh my God! Was it horrible?"
"Not really I guess...I got real cold, got the shivers, then went numb. I just drifted off. But what about you? I didn't know you died"
"Yeah.crazy thing. I knew my husband was cheat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horney.

One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he ...

A traveler was walking along the side of the road in Arizona, hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm;

Time passed slowly and no vehicles went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.


Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghost-like in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.


Wanting a ride v...

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