Ran Out Of Gas Jokes

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ... read more

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re... read more

Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.

Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from th... read more

Having passed a farmhouse a short time earlier, she made the walk back to ask if they could help her with some fuel.

The farmer was very obliging, but could only offer her an old bedpan to use as a container to carry it in.

She made her way back to the car, and was carefully pouring th... read more

She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.




The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he loaned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
... read more

It was on E

He went to the Shell station.

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime... read more

so they walked to a farm, and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer agreed to let them stay, but he only had one room with two beds, so the third person would have to sleep in the barn.

"Oy Vey, I'll sleep in the barn" said the Rabbi, and he went off to sleep. Not five minut... read more

I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.

The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.

I tried catch it, but it wen... read more

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.
... read more

Dragging himself out of bed, he goes to answer it. There in the doorway is a man and he asks, “sorry to bother you, can you give me a push?”
The guy tell him to scram and goes back to bed. After a mini, he remembers when he ran out of gas once and decides to help the poor fellow.
He gets back... read more

I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas!

This is a true story, and one that my dad submitted and had published in RD back in the early 80s. It takes place in the early 60s. I’m typing it here from memory.

“My friend and I were driving between 2 rural Indiana towns during a winter blizzard when we ran out of gas. With only $5 to our ... read more

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said,... read more

Ran out of gas, had to be toad

A man floored it in his car because he was being chased by a casket, rolling down the road at Godspeed. He drove and drove until his car ran out of gas.

The casket still chasing him and his house being a half a mile away, he ran down the street and into his house, shutting the door behind hi... read more

I'm so sad. Stupid me. Yesterday i drained all the old gas out of my lawnmower and left it in a bowl beside the garage. Next thing i know, my dog drank it all then started running high speed laps around yard. He does about five laps, then runs right up to me and looks me dead in the eye, rolls over ... read more

The mom knows the dog is in heat but doesn't want to tell Timmy he can't take the dog for a walk and open that can of worms with little Timmy on what it means and tread down the 'birds and the bees', so instead she tells little Timmy to go ask his dad instead.

So little Timmy goes out to the... read more

Me: I was trying to get to the gas station before I ran out of gas.

He had just bought it and suddenly he ran out of gas. So he walked to the nearest house and asked the owner if he could have some gas. The owner said yes and after he had the tank full he said ‘it’s getting late I have an extra room if you want to spend the night’. The man was uneasy but accepted be... read more

Two nuns ran out of gas on their way to a hospital and are sitting on the side of the road. They decide to pray and ask God to help them. A man comes by and tells them, "I can take you to get gas but i have no gas can." The nuns decided to use some bed pans they had in the trunk. They go to the gas ... read more

but I ran out of gas.

The Art Theif

A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves ... read more

Eventually, a cop car pulls up, the officer gets out and walks up, laughing hysterically and pointing at the trucker.

He puts his hands on his hips and says with a chuckle, "Got stuck, eh?"

The trucker replies, "No sir, not at all, you see, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out o... read more

Everything was normal till his car ran out of gas. He pulled over to the side of the road and noticed that there was a house nearby, with light coming through the windows. He thought to himself, “Hey, maybe they can give me a ride to the nearest town!” So the guy walks up to the door and knocks. No ... read more

When I was about four years old my brother had an old beater of a sports car, and one day he and my dad were draining the gas tank before they do more work. So they drain the gas into a bucket and then go inside for beer. My dog Hershey’s trots on up to the bucket and takes a nice long drink.. And... read more

Besides for her duties as a nun, she was also very active in various hospitals visiting sick patients and taking care of all their needs.

So it was no surprise that one day when she ran out of gas, the only container she could find to put the gas into was a bedpan.

Sister Marry happily... read more

Little Tommy goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I take the dog for a walk?”

His mom replies, “Not now, Tommy. She’s in heat.”

“What’s heat?” he asks.

“Your dad’s in the garage. Go ask him.”

Tommy finds his dad in the garage. He says, “Dad, I wanna take Daisy for a walk b... read more

A 12 year old wanted to take their dog out for a walk. The only problem is that the dog was on heat.

The kid asked her mother if she could take the dog out, the mother replied to say she wasn’t sure but to ask her father if he had any ideas.

The child then asked her dad who said its ... read more

In a torrential stormy and a foggy day a very drunk man was trying to hitch hike a lift home and no cars would stop. When out of the blue a car pulled up moving very slowly and stopped right in front of him. Asking no questions he jumps into the back seat - relived that finally he had a lift. As the... read more