R A Jokes

Not just because of the vocabulary and fun, but also because reading the same thing over and over again is crucial in the learning process.

One, uno, eins, un.

My wife says I'm on Reddit every 20 seconds checking it and she can't stand it anymore! I had to make a choice. So I'm going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags.

My friends are really tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again.

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an... read more

"Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

A married couple went to the hospital so that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor se... read more

The redditor notices the subs new avatar and immediately leaves.

He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.

"This is an outrage!"

The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.

"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 thi... read more

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on... read more

Like everyone here on r/jokes, he came to reap Oast.

The result was bizarre.

Funnily enough he remembers all the jokes he ever heard.

So I asked him, "How can you remember all the freakin' jokes?"

He replied, "Its hard to forget when you are reminded every minute."

He walks to the bar and orders a beer. Meanwhile, the speaker on the stage approaches the microphone and says: "4032!"

Several people in the pub chuckle.

The man on stage then says, "351". Again, quite a few people in the pub chuckle.

Irritated by what he's witnessing, the touri... read more

Is it considered crude to share oil jokes now?

They're expected to lose 50% of their investment over the next 700 million years.

Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black.

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a... read more

We are getting little swamped with the queues and our lives, we could really use the help of a qualified individual.

Up-mods and down-mods don't matter in this thread, so don't try to push your app to the top.

Requirements:

* **An Active User** Being a Mod is hard work and will... read more

# This comment deleted to protest Reddit's API change (to reduce the value of Reddit's data).

Please see [these](https://web.archive.org/web/20230609092523/https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/) [threads](https://web.archive.org/web/2... read more

... because you usually win with a riposte!


(This terrible pun is wholly original, so far as I know. Thus it will die in infamy without upvotes)

NASCAR

The executioner approaches the first man and says

"How would you like to die? By firing squad, hung by the neck, or on the electric Chair?"

"I'll take the chair" the prisoner says.

So he gets strapped into the electric chair.

When they flip the switch, nothing happens! ... read more

The bartender tells him, “I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!” The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.

The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, “O-o-one b-b-beer, p-plea... read more

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, and leans over. Then he looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says,

"I went by your grandma's house today... read more

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag... read more

Halfway through the beer a Texan comes in and says in his thick Texas accent, "Gimme a taaall beeeer."

The bartender says in a similar thick Texas accent, "One taaall beeeer coming riiight up."

The first guy says to the bartender, "Hey, are you m-m-making f-f-f-f-fun of m-m-me?"
... read more

Rich lawyer is sitting in first class next to the head of a major charity organization.

Head of said charity takes the opportunity to introduce himself and the cause, but lawyer isn’t interested in giving. No surprise. He’s notoriously rich and not very friendly.

Finally, charity dire... read more

I laughed but still. I find it unlikely that a quarter billion people subscribed to r/jokes

‘Cause you end up reading the same text over and over again!