UPJOKE

R 27 Jokes

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My translation of a foreign joke:

A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put it on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, p...

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Aliens Encounter A Gas Station

Two aliens from outer space come down to Earth and land next to a gas station. They debate who to talk to and approach a gas pump. The one alien commands, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The alien gets angry, points his ray gun and says, "Take me to to your leader or I'll zap you to dust!...

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"

I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.

Without a pause,...

There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton

Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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Reported to Bruce Forsyths favourite.

Husband and wife are chatting over breakfast
Husband "They guys in the pub last night were talking about our randy Postman. They reckon he's had sex with every woman in our street, except one"
Wife pauses for a moment :" Probably that stuck up cow at number 27"

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One day Fred is sitting at his desk when he hears a voice in his head say "Quit your job, dump your fiance, sell your house and take all your money to Las Vegas."

Fred ignores the voice and goes back to work. Later that night he hears the voice again say "Quit your job, dump your fiance, sell your house and take all your money to Las Vegas." which he thinks about for a moment, then dismisses.

As the weeks went on, Fred started hearing the voice more an...

To make a better Internet, I compiled a list of scams and manipulation techniques in order to raise awareness in the most gullible users.

Number 27 will make you cringe

Little Mary always falls asleep in Sunday school class

During class, the teacher asks, "Who is our Father?" The little boy behind Mary sees her asleep so he pokes her with a pencil to wake her up.
Mary screamed "Lord Almighty"
The teacher says "Very good Mary, please raise your hand though"
Confused, Mary falls asleep again. Later, the teache...

Fastfood

Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries!

Man: Right here!

Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight.

Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait...

Clerk: >:D

Little Susie spent the summer holidays on a pony farm in the Cotswolds

Back home, she asked,

"We all live together just like the animals, don't we, Mummy?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"So I'm just like a little foal?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"And you, Mummy, you're practically the beautiful mare?"

...

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A cowboy...

rides into town and heads for the new saloon that's just been built after a long and tiring trail ride. The cowboy walks right up to the bartender and says "give me three beers." The bartender happily pours the beer and gives it to the cowboy who pounds them back like no one has ever seen. The cowbo...

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A blonde in her early 50's hears that bathing in milk once a week will tone skin, and remove wrinkles...

She decides to try this wrinkle remedy, so she leaves a sign on her front door for the Milkman to leave her 27 gallons of milk.

The Milkman comes along and sees her sign. He thinks that she must have made a mistake, as 27 gallons is a substantial amount of milk, so he knocks on her door and s...

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.

The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks ...

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