UPJOKE

Pumping Gas Jokes

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas….

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab ...

This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire...

When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pumping gas is a lot like pissing as a man

You can shake it all you want but there will always be a couple drops left when you put it away.

An old lady was smoking and pumping gas...

Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

Don't smoke and pump gas

The other day I was filling up the car at the gas station so and then went inside to get a few snacks. When I walked up I noticed two cops watching a woman smoking a cigarette while filling up. I saw her & thought "what an idiot....with the police right there too". I went in & got my snacks....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My date..

I was at a gas station pumping gas when this cute girl pulled up next to me. She was in a Camaro and asking me questions about my car. Great convo we had, so i asked her on a date . I came to pick her up the night after, she was in a wheel chair! Surprised the hell out of me. So we went for a stroll...

Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..

They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.

She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

A man was shot today at my local gas station by two off duty police officers...

From what I have been told, the off duty officers were standing outside the store, enjoying their morning coffee before getting started for the day, when a man, who was pumping gas got a little bit of fuel on his sleeve, and must of had a lit cigarette because all of a sudden his sleeve caught on fi...

So the other day I went to get gas at Sheetz...

And as I pull in beside a pump I see this dumbass smoking a cigarette while filling up his tank. I wondered why no one had done anything about it. Even two cops standing outside of their squad car didn’t seem to mind.

So minding my own business I go into the Sheetz to get a coffee, and all o...

The Clintons were driving around Bill's home town

A couple of years after Bill Clinton had left office he and Hillary were driving around his hometown in Arkansas. There at a gas station they saw a man who worked there pumping gas who was about the same age as Bill. Playfully Bill asked Hillary what her life would have been like if she married that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Original Jokes.

A man is speeding down the beach road in Nags Head, NC when a seagull smashes into his windshield. He gets it stuck in the wiper blades trying to get it off, and eventually a cop comes up behind him and hits the cherries and berries. At that moment the seagull flips off the guy's car and smashes int...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a true story:

Mmmmmmmaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! I just left the Mobil (gas station). I pulled up to get some gas and saw two police officers looking at a woman smoking while pumping gas. I'm like really look at this shit! And the police looked like they were thinking the same thing! So I go in to pay for the gas n grab s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.