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I broke up with my girlfriend by text last night, it went pretty ugly...
She got up from the couch, started beating me with her phone...
(credit to a Russian stand up comedian Alexander Sobolevsky, he does these neat one liners)
I knew this girl, pretty ugly,(kind of a dog), but she always had a fashionable wardrobe.
She was a woof, in chic clothing.
A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”
”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.
”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.
”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.
A woman asked her husband whether she was pretty or ugly
Woman: Darling, am I pretty or ugly?
Husband: Both
Woman: What?? What do you mean both??
Husband: I meant, you're PRETTY UGLY
A Mom asks her Son, “Son, would you say I’m pretty or ugly?”
“A bit of both, actually,” replied the teenager.
“How do you mean that?” asks the puzzled mom.
“I’d say you’re pretty ugly.”
mother in-laws accident
\- I finally got to visit my mother inn-law after her accident.
\- Oh, how is she?
\- Pretty ugly
\- Yes, I know, but how is she feeling?
Am I pretty?
A wife infront of the mirror looking at herself asks her husband: Am I pretty or am I ugly? The husband replies: You are both. What do you mean? asks the wife The husband looks at her and says: Well you are pretty ugly.
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time...
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time. Her father is a heart surgeon. At one point in the evening, the father pulls the man aside and says, "There is something you should know about Saanvi before you wed. I am her doctor as well as her fa...
A Corpulent Woman visits the Doctor
Woman: Hey Doc, everytime I walk up the stairs my back hurts and my heart beats like crazy.
Doc: I imagined something like that right when you walked in here. You're morbidly obese.
Woman: That's outrageous. I want a second opinion!
Doc: Alrigt, you're also pretty ugly.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A virgin is trapped in the woods on a deserted island
A virgin is trapped in the woods on an island which appears to be deserted. However, once he sets up camp, some indigenous people tie him up and capture him.
The man is pretty ugly, so the tribe decides he is probably a virgin. The leader proclaims, "It is as prophesied: the gods have brought...
I went to go buy condoms at the gas station
Clerk asked if I needed a bag. I said yeah I might need one, she's pretty ugly.
A girl asks her boyfriend
A girl asks her boyfriend about how she looks. " You said your first girlfriend was very pretty and your second girlfriend was quite ugly, what do you think about me" "Well, says the boyfriend, I think you are a bit of both" "How" She asks He replies" I think you're pretty ugly"
Some interesting Oxymorons :)
An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:-
1) Clearly misunderstood 2) Exact Estimate 3) Small Crowd 4) Act Naturally 5) Found Missing 6) Fully Empty 7) Pretty ugly 8) Seriously funny 9) Only choice ...
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