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Poisonous Snake Jokes

My grandpa died because of a poisonous snake.

He really shouldn't have bit that snake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets bitten by a poisonous snake..

A man and his friend is walking in the desert when suddenly his friend is bit by a poisonous snake directly in the penis. The man says to his friend, "Don't worry I'll run into town and get help, I'll be right back!"


The man gets into town and finds the local doctor and asks "My friend wa...

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.

As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and ...

Snakebite

Two buddies were riding their horses through the wilderness when they stopped by a creek to fill their canteens. While Joe crouched down, Clyde went downstream to take a leak.
"Tarantion!" Clyde shouted, "that there rattler done bit me on the weener!"
Joe shot the snake dead and told Clyde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys and a girl become shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...but fortunately there is plenty of food and fresh water. Over the next few months, they build a little community: all three craft little huts out of sticks and leaves, and they fairly split up all the tasks and chores essential to their survival. They even build a little church where they go to p...

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Never hike with a homophobe

Two friends are hiking in the woods. They stop to urinate when a poisonous snake springs out of a bush and sinks its fangs into the unlucky one's manhood. He falls to the ground writhing in pain while his friend pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

"My friend was bitten by a snake! What s...

A German joke

A German is driving his car in Britain. A British cop pulls him over to the side of the road. Cop: "Sir, do you realize that there are two poisonous snakes on your windshield?" The German: "Off course! Zey are my vinscreen vipers!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two college bros decide to go on safari

They grab their gear and walk off into the distance. They come to a river and must swim across it.
They come to a cliff and must shimmy down it.
They come to a ravine and must climb up it.
They come to a rock wall and must rappel down it.
They come to the jungle and start the trek th...

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Two guys are camping

Two guys are camping. Guy 1 has to shit so he goes out in the woods to do his stuff. While crouched over, a poisonous snake comes up & bites him on his dick. Guy 1 calls out & asks his buddy what to do.
Guy 2 pulls out his smart phone & Googles 'snake bite'.
Online he reads that i...

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Two guys and a snake ....

This is a true story.
Two good friends, Jerry and Ralph, were out walking in the desert one day when Jerry goes off behind a cactus to take a leak. While he's draining his bladder a snake leaps up and bites him on the end of his dick. Ralph on hearing Jerry's scream runs over and says, "What ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde and her guide returned from an overnight hike

The blonde went straight to the hotel bar and ordered a stiff drink.

"You look frazzled," the bartender said. "Tough time on the hike?"

"TERRIBLE," she said after downing the drink. "The walking was hard, the weather was bad, and my guide almost died!"

"Really? What happened?" <...

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