Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.
As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.
"Denomination?" he asks a little old lady as she reaches the front of the queue.
"Methodist", she replies.
St Peter checks his notes and directs her to the eighth door on the left.
"Pleas...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise...
I was in bed at 10 PM asking my roommate to please be quiet with the stroking and to be a little slower.
He said, “okay, I’ll be more gentle with the cat in the future.”
A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather
"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.
"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."
In...
A burglar is searching for valuables in a house whose residents left for the night when he hears a voice behind him
The voice says: "God the mighty sees all".
Shocked the burglar turns around and searches for the cause of this noise. Using his flashlight he finally finds a parrot sitting in a cage grooming his feather.
The burglar is relieved and continues his search for valuables. He opens a night...
Lord of the Rings: What did Galadriel say to Celeborn when he asked what her ring was called?
"Nenya Business."
Gandalf choked out "Narya kidding me?"
To which Elrond interjected "Vilya please be quiet?"
Shamelessly taken from lotr sub (links not allowed, sorry.)
A cow gives birth to 4 cavles, and one day her oldest comes up and asks "Mother, why was I names 'Lotus'
The mother replies saying "Because when you were born, a lotus petal fell on your head". The next day, the mothers second oldest came up and asked why they were called Rose, and the mother replies "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born". Her third child asked why they were named ...
A daughter asked her mother
One day a daughter asked her mother "Mom, why am I named Feather?" Looking at her daughter the mother replied "Because, my child, when you were younger a feather landed upon your head."
Later that same day the mother's son came up to her and asked "Mom, why am I named Leaf?" Looking d...
A mother had three sons...
The first day the oldest boy ran up to her and asked: "Mom, why am I named Feather?" The mother replied: "Well, son, thats because when you were a baby a tiny feather landed on your head." The next day the second boy ran up to her and asked: "Mom, why am I named Leaf?" The mother replied: "Well, ...
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