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Play Soccer Jokes

Why do the drwafs giggle when they play soccer?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer?

She cant seem to kick anything

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she keeps running away from the ball

Why do Incels play soccer?

Because they're pros at failing to score.

Employees play soccer, managers play tennis and CEOs play golf.

The higher the position the smaller the balls.

Why can't Pakistanis play soccer?

Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store

Heard someone say they had to play soccer with 2nd graders.

They should really invest in a ball...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy tattoos his girlfriend's name on his penis

Her name is Wendy, but when his penis is soft only the "W" and the "Y" can be seen. Kinda weird, going around with a random "WY" tattooed on his weiner, but he really loves Wendy, so he couldn't care less about what other people thought.
One day he goes to play soccer with some friends of his an...

My friends ask me why I play soccer even though I'm not very good at it.

just for kicks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman always has a visit from her lover while her husband is at work.

One day the nine-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what the two are doing ... Suddenly the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet.

The son whispers: "Dark in here ..."

The man: "Oh... it's you! Ehm... yes, you are right. It is dark in here."

The s...

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins,

so he asked, "Do you play hockey?"

"No."

"Do you play soccer?"

"No."

"Do you play any other physical sport?"

"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of blind people was traveling on the road.

After driving for a long time, the bus driver gets tired and needs to rest. He parks the bus near a cafeteria.

"I'm going to eat lunch and take a rest," the driver says to the blind passengers. "I'll come back in an hour."

"No problem," says one of the blind men. "We'll play soccer whi...

Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.

A woman is in bed with her lover...

A woman is in bed with her lover when her nine year old son walks in and hides in the closet. Suddenly, the door opens and the woman's husband walks in, and she hides her lover in the closet not knowing her son is there.

"It's dark here" says the boy

"It sure is" says the lover

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Russian Joke

A father is waiting for his kid to be born in the hospital. He's super nervous, pacing back and forth, cigars in his breast pocket ready to go. After what seems like a several days, a doctor finally walks into the waiting room and asks who's waiting for the baby. The father runs up to the doctor....

Rat Dreams

David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed toni...

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