UPJOKE

Play Dead Jokes

I was teaching my dog how to play dead...

and as a reward for doing it, I gave him a chocolate bar. Now he's really good at it!

If you’re being chased by a crazy taxidermist

Don’t play dead

Whenever i'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now

And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.

They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...

What do possums and the Detroit Tigers have in common?

Both play dead at home & get killed on the road.

Tip for when you are attacked by a bear

Play dead.

It will be good practice for when you die a couple minutes later.

I think my dog's been smoking pot.

Just the other day I told him to play dead and he said "Nah man play Skynyrd!"

Hippie jokes

Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?

A: He's still there.

Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?

A: Namaste.
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Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?

A: The joint won't make it all the way around the ci...

A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.

He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?"

"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.

"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.

He extends...

My dog needed training, so I brought him into the bedroom at night.

From me he learned how to beg.


My wife taught him how to roll over and play dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

Just taught my 15 year old German Shepard to play dead! Cocky bastard is trying to set a record too! Been that way for eight hours now...

The Neighbour's Rabbit

So I woke up this morning to see my dog laying down in the back, covered in dirt, with a rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit's not bloody eh, just dirty. My neighbor's child has two rabbits, so immediately I knew it was one of his. So I took the rabbit from my dog, ran inside, and washed all the dirt o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob sees his new neighbor working in his driveway...

Wanting to be friendly, he walks over to the driveway where his new neighbor is repairing his car. "Hey neighbor!" he says affably.

Hearing the voice, a big shaggy dog comes running over and starts sniffing Bob's feet. "Hey," the neighbor grunts.

"I see you've got a dog! I've g...

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