UPJOKE

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: Because they don't know where home is.

I recently heard that Turkeys aren't allowed to play baseball.

No matter how many times they hit, they'll always hit Fowl balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn’t the dinosaur play baseball?

Because it’s fucking dead.

My parents are old fashioned. When I was a boy they wanted me to play baseball.

And When I was a girl they wanted me to see a psychiatrist

Why couldn’t the Chinese kids play baseball?

Because they ate their bats.

Billy wants Jimmy to play baseball.

Billy goes by Jimmy's house to get him to play baseball. Jimmy's mom answers the door.

"Hi, can Jimmy play baseball with us?" Billy asked.

"Now you know Jimmy doesn't have any arms or legs," Jimmy's mom answered.

"Yeah, but we need second base."

Why can't chickens play baseball?

Because all they ever hit are "fowl" balls.

My son loves telling jokes. He tells me one every day. This was the one for today.

Two guys are watching their sons play baseball

The first father goes, “Did you see that, my son got an in the Park home run. He’s so much better at baseball than your son.”

The second father annoyed that his friend had insulted his son responded. “My son is the Michael Jordan of baseball.

“But he sucks at baseball?”

“So does...

I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth

Because they think that Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair.

The Alou family

The most famous family to play baseball: the Alous. Felipe Alou, Moisés Alou, Jesus Alou, and Boog Powell. Boog changed his name because he did not want to come to home plate as Boog Alou.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dark in here

Little Mikey was supposed to be taking a nap, but instead, he was hiding in his mother's closet when he heard her enter the bedroom with a strange man…
He listened as they hurriedly took off their clothes, jumped into bed, and started fucking like two jackrabbits…
Then, Mikey heard a car door ...

A joke from my baseball coach...

Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives. 
When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day. One day Frank said' Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heave...

Two middle-aged men sit on a park bench

...and talk about what they think heaven will be like. As a baseball lover, one man says to the other, "I REALLY hope there's baseball to be played in heaven! That would make everything worth it."

The other man replies, "It sure would, i haven't been able to play baseball in years but would l...

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Balls of Age

People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?

A boy with nothing else but a head

A boy was born as only a head. No other parts of his body. Somehow, the head didn’t need the rest of his body to live, a medical mystery.

10 years has gone by, every afternoon, the boy’s mother has set his head to look through the window and watch his schoolmates play baseball. One night, the...

Baseball in Heaven

Two kids, Adam and John, absolutely love playing baseball. They play every day of their lives until years down the road Adam and John are now two old men who sit in the park feeding the birds and watching kids play baseball. One week later John passes away. Adam is sitting at the park alone when he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New inmate at prison.

A new inmate arrives at prison and he is visibly scared and nervous when he is approached by a veteran inmate.

"Hey man, it's not so bad here. Let me ask you something, do you like movies?"

"Yeah, I like movies."

"Great! Every Monday we have a movie night. Let me ask you some...

2 men exploring find a bat in a cave...

Decide to go back and play baseball

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy realises his mother is cheating on his father...

He hides in the closet. When his dad comes home, the visitor jumps in the closest as well, to hide. The boy says,

"Gee, sure is dark in here."

"I guess it is," says the man.

"Tell you what," says the boy, "I'll sell you my baseball bat for $500 dollars. Don't buy it, and I'll te...

A guy claims his dog can talk...

A guy brings his dog into the NBC network building looking for a TV show for his talking dog. He says to the executive...

Guy: "Hey, I have here a talking dog! He can have a full conversation with anybody! Watch this, hey boy! What's on the top of a house?"

Dog: "Rouf"

Guy: ...

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