UPJOKE
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TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Did you know that piranhas can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Did you know piranhas can eat up the body entirely upto the bones in 45 seconds ? Me neither.

Anyway, I lost the job at the aquarium.

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 6 minutes.

Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

There are 2 piranhas in a tank

Noone told them how to drive it

I recommend everyone to go swimming with piranhas.

It's a once in a lifetime experience.

TIL that a school of piranhas are able to strip all the flesh off of a child in under two minutes.

Sadly, I was also fired from the aquarium.

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An eccentric billionaire throws a lavish party...

Please bear with me as I heard/read this one years ago so I might not recall the details correctly:

An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world. As the party is well under way he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic sized swimming pool where...

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

So a African king calls all the men from his kingdom

And he says who ever can cross this river will take my daughters hand in marriage. The river had piranhas,crocodiles, and snakes in it. The men looked at each other and the king says do none of you want to marry my daughter?

Does no-one want to be rich and be the next king? All of a sudden t...

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I treated the wife to one of those fish pedicures and I must say I was very pleased with the result.

Those piranhas don't fuck about.

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

Three things I want to do before I die:

1)Swim with piranhas

A father chose to quiz his son...

Father: There was a plane carrying 500 bricks. One fell off. How many were left?

Son: 499

Father: Correct!

______________________________________________________________________________

Father: How do you fit an elephant in a refrigerator?

Son: Um… Cut it up?
...

A tourist walks near Amazon river on a very hot day.

It's really hot and he wants to swim in the cool water. He asks a local:

-Are there any crocodiles in the river?

The local guy:

-No, there are no crocodiles...

The tourist jumps into the water.

The local:

-...because piranhas ate all of them!

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

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Once upon a time there was a princess.

This princess could never get her father, the king, to approve of any man she brought home. She brought home a baker, a farmer, a lord, even a few knights, but no matter their social standing, wealth, or intelligence, her father would not approve. Exasperated with trying and failing to find a prince...

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