How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What do you call philosophy majors making fun if each other?

Socrateasin

What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major?

One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

What do you do with a philosophy major?

Think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

To all the philosophy majors out there...

Can I get a Grande Mocha with whip please?

What did the philosophy major say when asked “can you recommend a philosopher who wrote on how to treat his fellow man?”

“I. Kant”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the prostitute who's a philosophy major?

She could really blow your mind.

A dolphin graduated from college with a philosophy major.

He thought, "what's my porpoise now?"

One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There

The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

What kind of car do most philosophy majors drive?

An uber.

Telling your parents your a philosophy major is like reading them poetry

They snap

For all of those Philosophy Majors out there

Philosophy Joke:

If an argument concludes a tree fall without human interaction in a forest for a stump to be made, and there are no lumberjack's in the forest to hear it, does it make it sound?

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.

“Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it.” He looks at one student and asks, “What would your parents say if you told the...

What does the Philosophy major say a year after he graduates?

"Would you like fries with that?"

Never date a philosophy major

My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist

Philosophy joke

An instructor was introducing a class of freshmen philosophy majors to academic life. Before the end of the presentation, the instructor thought she would be nice and let the students avoid falling into conflict early on and so she said: "You have to be careful when meeting the professors to not mix...

It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"

A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.

A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.

An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writ...

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