What did the person who invented knock-knock jokes win?

A no-bell prize!

What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?

An iWitness.

To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you.

**I have contacts.**

What do you call person who's read every word of the Bible cover to cover twice?

Ah athiest.

What do we call a person who watches over kids while hiding in the shadows and sneaks in the kids room when the parents are asleep?

Santa Claus

A person who can speak two languages is bilingual. A person who can speak three languages is trilingual. A person who can speak four or more languages is multilingual. Question, “So what do you call a person who can only speak one language?”

“An American.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who grooms a young woman for sex?

A prosti-tutor.

What did the doctor say about the tall person who was in a rush to see him?

"I just wish he was a little patient."

They currently think the person who ruined the Tour de France might have been German.

Well, she did try to take down a whole race...

To the person who invented the zero....

...thanks for nothing.

To the person who stole my place in the queue…

…I’m after you now!

To the person who stole the password to my cam profile:

I’m coming for you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who only has sex with people who test positive for COVID-19?

A sick fucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate?

A liar

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.

What do you call a person who is jealous of you having marijuana?

... *Jointless*

To the person who stole my antidepressants...

I hope you're happy.

The person who caused the Tour de France crash should be arrested and charged with genocide.

She tried to take out an entire race.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?

The person pooping gets shit done.

If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.

They're a keeper.

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

What do you call the person who makes orthopedic foot braces?

A hobbler

You know what they call the person who finishes last in medical school?

Doctor

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black person who controls a plane?

A pilot, you fucking racist.

I’d like to say thanks to the person who taught me the meaning of the word “many”

It really means a lot

There is person who wanders the Gobi Desert

They call her, Lone Lee

Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.

Accused: Hahahah

Judge: I wasn't talking to you!

To the person who stole my Microsoft Office License

I’m gonna find you. You have my word

What do you call a person who got kicked out of Canada?

Can'tadian

Hey, have you heard of the person who got dumped over playing too much video games?

That's such a trivial thing to Fallout 4.

What do you call a person who hates normies?

A trendsphobe.

The person who invented autocorrect walks into a barn.

He orders a bear.

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The person who proofread Hitler's speeches....

Would he technically be a grammar nazi?

Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA?

Doctor.

To the person who hacked into my account,

I will find you.

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Unemployed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know how a person who likes any type of porn is called?

Jack of all trades

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

What do you call a person who dislikes people who don’t have toes?

Lack toes intolerant.

The person who invented Velcro died.

RIP

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To the person who stole my Viagra

You should be ashamed! You need to go home and take a long, hard look at yourself!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You Gotta Hand It To The Person Who Came Up With Oral Sex.

They were really thinking outside the box.

What do you call a person who eats chocolate with ketchup?

An idiot. You call them an idiot.

What do you call a person who has been underwater for 1 hour?

Dead.

What's the difference between a skillet and a person who asks celebrities invasive questions?

One's a frying pan, the other is a prying fan

What was the person who discovered milk thinking?

Mmmm, just like mom used to make

To the person who invented autocorrect...

There's a special place in he'll for you.

A masochist is a person who likes a cold shower in the morning...

So, they take a hot one.

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

What do you call a person who’s being chased by a car?

Tyred!

What do you call a person who’s chasing a car?

Exhausted!

What do you call a person who believes in the flat earth

An astronomical idiot

A joke from Hamlet: "What do you call a person who builds stronger things than a stonemason, a shipbuilder or a carpenter does?"

The one who builds the gallows to hang people on, since his structure outlives a thousand inhabitants

Found on Act 5, Scene 1

To the person who stole my iPhone

You will face time

What do you call a person who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender

My mom came up with this and told me to post it so tell me if you enjoy it!

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The person who invented autocorrect died recently.

May he roast in piss.

did you hear about the person who lost their legs in battle?

they were de-feet-ed

What happened to the person who saw a post on a forum?

They reddit.

There's only one type of person who never gets angry...

A nomad.

The person who discovered the concept of time:

Last time I checked, time wasn't a thing.

To the person who lost their iPhone 11...

Please stop calling my new phone.

What do you call a british person who worships the greek gods?

A Teathen.

To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted..

..I hope you face time soon.

If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:

Stamps = Lickie Stickie

Defibrillators = Hearty Starty

Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzy

Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby

Bra = Breastie Nestie

Fork = Stabby Grabby

Socks = Feetie Heatie

Hippo = Floatie Bloatie

Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bisexual person who is single?

on standbi

What do you call a person who is into French Anime girls?

An ouiaboo.

What did the person who found Stalin dead after suffering from a stroke say?

That’s gonna leave a Marx

Son: If you could save any famous person who would it be?

Daughter: Martin Luther King Jr.

Son: I would save the Rock.

Daughter: He’s not dead.

Son: You’re welcome.

How do you call a trans person who did a roundtrip with the operations?

A trans former

In a tailoring class, the teacher asked her students how long should a miniskirt be for a person who is 6ft in height and waist is 34.

One of the students replied: Short enough to have the interest and long enough to hide the interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the person who steals from black people?

Robbin Hood

What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?

A roads scholar

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

What do you call a person who is half-british?

A brit....-ish.

I want to find the person who stole my toilet

but I have nothing to go on.

What do you call a person who just fell head first off of a 10 story building?

A crackhead







-I think this is original content. If not, please correct me.

If a person who stutters goes to jail

Would he finish the sentence?

To the person who stole my bag with my antidepressants, my glasses and my Microsoft office CD in.

I hope your happy, I will find you, I have contacts, you have my word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who keeps list of all his sexual encounters

Anal-yst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A person who was promised 72 virgins is very excited when he goes to heaven

He goes to God and asks where he can find them

God sends him to the mechanical engineering branch in India

What do you call a Scottish person who’s attracted to both men and women?

Biscotti

To the person who stole my calendar...

Mark my words, your days are numbered.

What did the family of cannibals give the person who showed up late for their dinner party?

A cold shoulder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who is half Japanese and half philipino?

A Jalapeno

What do you call a person who always posts memes?

Depressed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much sex does a person who likes both men and women have?

Just enough to get Bi

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

A sax offender

To the person who stole my broken bathroom scale, I can guarantee one thing..

There’s no way you can get a weigh with it.

What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

A drummer.

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

What do you call a rude old person who won't leave you alone?

A boomer-ang.

What do you call a person who breaks into a house, steals food and drinks, and leaves in a getaway vehicle?

Santa Claus.

A vegan, a person on a gluten-free diet, and a person who does Crossfit walk I to a bar.

I only know about that because none of them would shut up about it.

What do you call the identity of a person who secretly is a priest?

It’s an altar ego.

What do you call a scary person who likes to rip things?

A tear-er

What do you call a person who studies about the mechanics and interactions of poo?

A fecesist.

Did you guys hear about the person who had his fruit basket stolen?

He was left peachless!!!

Who is the only person who survives every disaster?

The movie camera-man.

What do you call a funny person who is a socialist?

A commie-dian

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