The Person Who Invented The Knock-Knock Joke

Should get a no-bell prize

To the person who stole my antidepressants

I hope you're happy

To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.

I have 2 contacts

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my word!

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What do you call a person who proof read Hitler's speeches?

A grammar Nazi

To the person who lost their iPhone 11...

Please stop calling my new phone.

What do you call the person who finishes last in medical school?

Doctor.

Many Christians believe that the person who crucified Jesus made a very bad move.

I don't know, 'cos I think he nailed it.

What do you call a person who eats a donut and a donut hole at the same time?

Fat.

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What do you call a person who can revive black people?

A negromancer

Never make fun of a person who stammers...

Because they'll get their revenge... eventually.

A vegan, a person on a gluten-free diet, and a person who does Crossfit walk I to a bar.

I only know about that because none of them would shut up about it.

Normally I don't post this kind of stuff but on a serious note

If anybody knows of a lonely old person who will be eating Christmas dinner alone, maybe they have no family or close friends etc then please let me know... I need to borrow a few extra chairs


Jokes not mine found it on the internet

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An Asshole

What do you call a person who puts the punchline of a joke in the title?

Happened IRL We were at the cemetery. Talking about a dead person who got cremated. My dad said: I don't want to hear about you doing this to me!

I answered: You won't...

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What's the difference between an outdoor cleaning machine and a person who likes to give oral sex to Canadian men?

There isn't one. They're both leafblowers.

What did the person who invented the zero say before telling the world about it?

Well, here goes nothing!

5 Guys From Knock-Knock Jokes

5 guys--Boo, Woo, You, Ach, and Who--meet up for lunch. They describe their experiences knocking on random people's doors. The conversation goes as follows:

Boo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, the person who answers the door is crying.

Woo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, t...

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What do you call a person who likes to sing while they poop?

Elton-on-the-John.

Why was the person who wouldn't fall asleep jailed?

He was resisting a rest.

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What do you call a person who has daily appearances on TV yet, fucks up their job ~25% of the time and...still...manages...to...keep...it?

A weatherman.

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

A sax offender

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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike

He didn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a “for sale” sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute perfect condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condi...

The person who invented AutoCorrect walks into a barn.

He orders a bear.

What do you call an IT person who touches kids?

A pdffile
(or if you’re from my school mr Ambrose)

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

Whos on first recreation

Hello 911 what's your emerengcy?

There's some people over here robing the bank

Sir I got you using your cellphone where's the bank?

It's the Wellsfargo on Main st

Are you inside the building?

Yeah I'm hiding but they have hostages

Ok sir stay on the line I'm...

A person who speaks 3 languages is called a trilingual, a person who speaks 2 languages is called a bilingual, but what is a person called when they speak only one language?

An American.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

To the handicapped person who stole my camouflage jacket

You can hide, but you can't run!

The person who stole my diary died recently

My thoughts are with his family

To the person who hacked into my reddit account...

I will find you, and I will kill you.

What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery?

An ex-tractor fan

What do you call a person who robs a drug store?

A pillager

I want to say thank you to the person who told me about the word "multitude"

It means a lot to me.

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How much sex does a person who likes both men and women have?

Just enough to get Bi

A person who posts lots of jokes to r/jokes found that 3 keys on his keyboard is broken, what are those keys?

Ctrl,C, and V

What do you call a person who loves crocodiles?

A crocophile.

Came up with that one while at the science museum, wife gave a groin and shook her head.

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Did you hear about the person who got cooled to absolute zero?

Yeah he fukin' died.

If a woman dies while cooking, the person who finds her will have a hot meal waiting for them

Them will also have what she was cooking.

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

You ever meet the kind of person who wants to write an autobiography?

Really says a lot about a person

What do you call a person who kills cereal?

Mentally ill.

What do you call a cynical person who’s drunk on gin and tonic?

Sartonic

What do you call a person who is 6’ 10” tall, 300 lbs and goes both ways?

Bi and large

To the person who broke into my house.

That was no-key impressive.

"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish."

"What is my wish?" you ask?

"That somebody would give me two million dollars."

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What do you call a person who is both an analyst and a therapist?

Analrapist (this is probably a repost)

What do you call a person who falls for something over and over again?

Oooh

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna...

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven.

It's a slow day, but most people are allowed to enter. Then a frail old man shows up. Jesus urges him to sit down and starts asking some questions. . "What did you do for a living", Jesus asks.

"I was a carpenter", the man replies.

"Did you have any family", Jesus asks.

"I had a...

What do you call a person who jumps off a bridge in paris?

In seine

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What do you call the person who sleeps on the wet spot after sex?

Overcome

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Spanish person who masturbates

A cumquistador

What do you call a person who sprays deodorant at people and chokes them?

An axe murderer

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What do you call a black person who flies an airplane?

A PILOT YOU RACIST BASTARD!

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

An overachiever, regular person, and a person who does the bare minimum walk into a bar.

Or rather, the overachiever walks under the bar, the regular guy walks into the bar, and the slacker trips on the bar.

To the person who made auto correct

Restaurant in piece

To the person who stole my broken bathroom scale, I can guarantee one thing..

There’s no way you can get a weigh with it.

What do you call a person who looks after cows?

It's not shepherd, it's coward

To the person who lost the stack of dollar bills

I have your rubberband

What did the person with horrible music taste say to the person who stole their coin?

Hey can I have my nickelback?

Did you guys hear about that psychic little person who robbed a bank?

He's a small medium at large!

What do you call a person who dislikes writing utensils?

Erasist.

What do you call a person who beautifies space ?

Cosmo-tologist.

What do you call a person who watches over chickens?

A chicken tender.

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What do you call a bisexual person who is single?

They are on standbi

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

Did you hear about the person who was murdered and put into a suitcase?

It was an open and shut case.

If a person who stutters goes to jail

Would he finish the sentence?

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

What do you call an LGBTQ person who doesn’t take action?

A Bi-stander.

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

The person who invented auto-correct should burn in

Hello

The person who invented the USB drive is going to be lowered into his grave,

Then lifted back up, flipped over, and layed in again.

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

What do you call a person who discriminates against cult members?

A cultist

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