UPJOKE

Perfect Woman Jokes

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Thor cruises the universe looking for the perfect woman.

He eventually comes to Earth. He spots this amazing-looking woman in a club, so he asks her if she wants a drink.

"Yeth I'd love a drink she replies".

A bit later Thor asks her to dance.

"Yeth, I'd love to dance " she replies.

In the end Thor decides to ask her back to ...

PLEASE stop asking Santa for the perfect woman.

I was almost kidnapped three times today.

The perfect woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous ...

A perfect man, perfect woman and Santa get into a car...

As they’re driving on the road, they lose control, run off the road and into a tree. Only one of them survive though. Which one is it?




The answer is that Santa doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as a perfect man so the only one actually in the car was the woman. Which explains w...

in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"

then he made the world round and LAUGHED.

God's perfect woman

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion.

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every d...

The Perfect Man, the Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. ...

A perfect man and a perfect woman are going on a vacation on a perfect sunny day.

On the way, out in the open miles away from anywhere, they see Santa Clause with his thumb out on the side of the road, stranded.

Being the perfect couple they are, and the person in question being jolly ole’ saint nick himself, they offer him a ride and go on their jolly way until the driver...

Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus are in a car.

The car goes out of control and crashes into the side of a building, only one survives, who is it?

The Perfect woman survived because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren't real.

Still, just goes to show that even the perfect woman can't drive.

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Beautiful redhead

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket tow...

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A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

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A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

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A man was talking to his therapist about finding the right woman. A man was sitting in his therapist’s office telling him about how he finally managed to find the right woman, after a whopping 3 divorces.

He says, “well the first wife was quite the fireball and we had good chemistry, but she was a fitness instructor and during sex always yelled ‘HARDER! STRONGER! KEEP UP THAT HEART RATE!’ and at some point I just couldn’t keep up... so we split.”

“Well,” said the therapist, “what about the sec...

The Ladder To Success

A man died and awoken in an empty plain. There was nothing but a ladder in front of him and nothing else in sight, so he started climbing. After a minute or so, he reaches a hatch, he opens it and there is lying a middle age woman. She said "Come lie with me or keep climbing to success". The man wit...

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3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

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One I heard in 4th grade and remembered out of the blue today.

A sexy pirate captain had been at sea for 6 months, she was the perfect woman, a huge rack, a tight waist, long slender legs that lead up to nice tight ass. She was perfect except for her one wooden eye of which she was extremely sensitive. After 6 months at sea she was hot for it and ready to break...

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A man goes to the doctor about a little problem.

"Doctor, I have just met the most perfect woman. My problem is, my penis is all but non-existent. Can you help me?"

The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "We have three options. The first involves pills that will increase your size. The second is physical therapy to stretch you longer. The...

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The Magic Lamp

A man whose wife had just divorced him was walking down along the beach trying to figure out what he was going to do next with his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something hard in the sand and he was immediately surrounded by smoke. A Booming voice said :

"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP"
...

The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time there were 2 perfect people born. A perfect boy and a perfect girl. They grow up with perfect perfect parents, perfect toys, perfect grades, and perfect teeth.

They have perfect graduations from their respective perfect schools and then go on to meet at the perfect college. ...

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