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Tales from the front line

Back in my Army days (mid 80s) we were on a winter training exercise with the medical battalion. Our platoon was assigned the job of being casualties for the treatment company.

They assigned us our roles told us what injuries we were supposed to have sustained then dispatched us out in the Bu...

Wayne was returning home from a business trip,

bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."

Startled, Wayne took a step backward....

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Two men are driving through Arkansas

when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"

The cop answers, "You're in Arkansas son....

You hear about the nurse who left his uniform in his buddy’s car?

His scrubs were hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride

A cop is pulling over a car, that was way too fast.

He approaches the car on the drivers side, while the driver is cranking down the window. Next to the driver sits a passenger. A curious "fog" emerges from the vehicle.

Cop: "Do you have any idea, why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "I don't have any idea."

Cop: "Seriously? Well you...

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Two men were riding through Mississippi when they're pulled over for speeding..

The officer approaches the driver's side, opens the door, pulls the driver out, and begins beating him senseless. When he's done he tells the driver, "We don't drive like assholes in Mississippi." Shoves him back in the car, walks around to the passenger side, repeating the process. The passenger pl...

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There were two men in a car going way over the speed limit...

A cop caught up with them and pulled them over. He walked up to the driver side window and asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The driver decided to play dumb and replied, "Gee, I was too busy concentrating on the road to check."

The cop, not in the mood for any attitude, ...

Two oilfield workers from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas...

They went to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper.
 

The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick.
 

The roughneck rolled down the window and *WHACK* - the trooper smacked him in t...

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's worki...

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car.

The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death.

The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. D...

I don't have to hurricane prep

Between the glasses of water on my nightstand and the half-bottles of water on my passenger side floorboard I'm good for a year.

A drunk man hails a taxi cab.

When the taxi pulls over, the drunk sticks his head in the passenger side window and asks the driver, “Have you got room in here for a whole lobster and three bottles of wine?”



“Sure,” replies the driver.



The drunk man says, “Fantastic!” and throws up on the passenger s...

[long] A snail in a fast car

By some quirk of fortune a snail gained sentience and ended up winning the lottery. With his new found wealth he was pondering what to do so he hatched a plan. He headed off down to his nearest Porsche dealership and when he arrived 2 weeks later he crawled up to the salesman.

"excuse me" the...

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[NSFW] WARNING to all men in Northwest England.

There is a scam going on in supermarket car parks all around the North West. The victim will usually be a male on his own and will usually be distracted by navigating the car park with shopping.

He will usually be approached by an attractive female in her early 20s as he enters his car. She ...

Went to pick up my car after a service

I was told the keys had been locked in it.

I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to t...

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Texas Patrol...

Two red necks are speeding through Texas. They fly by a Texas patrol officer who hits the cherries and pulls them over.
The cop approaches the driver who rolls down his window and drawls a defiant- "Whaaat?"
Without saying a word, the officer puts out his baton and whacks the guy in the face...

There's a woman who gets dropped off at my building for work every day by the husband.

And every day the husband will come out and go to the passenger side to open the car door for her.

Seeing so much love from the husband I decided to ask her whether this has always been the way.
She replied no, it only started two years ago.

I asked "What made him change?"

...

A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt...

...Pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it ...

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Two guys from California get pulled over in Texas.....

Two guys from California get pulled over in Texas by a State Trooper. Driver pulls to the side and is looking for his license when the trooper walks up to the window and taps it with his baton. No sooner does the guy roll the window down when the trooper smacks him across the face with the baton. Dr...

So I rear-ended a young girl in traffic the other day...

And a dwarf stepped out of the passenger side and said, "You just hit my sister's car, and I am not happy."

So I asked him, "Well which one are you?"

A man lights up a joint after refuelling his car.

A man was refueling his car when he lost concentration and the petrol began to overflow, splashing all over him. He dries himself off and pays for the petrol before getting in his car and continuing on his way.

A little while later he was driving down the road and decided to light up a joint ...

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