UPJOKE

Over 50 Jokes

A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention. Over 50,000 blondes attend.

The leader stands on a stage and says,
"Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereotyped. We are here today to prove us blondes aren't dumb! Now may I have a volunteer?"

A blonde steps onto the stage.

"What is ten divided by two?"

Th...

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

I like to think I’m a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity.

But when she’s not working I give it to Destiny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over 50 years ago?”

“We went behind the behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you”.

“Yes”, she says..”I remember it well”.

“OK, how about taking a stroll around there and we can do it for old time’s sake?”

“Oh Jim, you Old Devil, that sounds like a cra...

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 50 told me my generation sucks...

I could afford a house in the economy they've ruined!

Did you know that over 50% of Asians have Cataracts?

The rest drive Rincolns.

The first joke I remember my mother telling me over 50 years ago:

How do you get four elephants into a Volkswagen?

Two in the front, two in the back.

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.

A couple of months later, Myrtle also died

Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman.

She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe. Darling, Joe"

Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't give me tha...

The price of balloons have not gone up in over 50 years

Which is surprising considering inflation

If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 50 said my generation was lazy.

I could finally afford to pay someone for original jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the time of the Ottoman Empire, there was a wedding.

Back then, weddings were pretty big, and also long. People used to travel tens or hundreds of kilometers to attend at a wedding. For that reason, they would stay for a few days as guests. They would normally sleep in really big rooms, on the floor, and women and men would normally be separated... ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Bobby was running through the woods

Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck. Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday's droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translated joke from a south Asian language.

I tried my best. I'm pulling this from memory. Changed a lot of stuff, and added a buttload of new things to make this seem as normal as possible. Enjoy!

> The cops arrest a truck driver for running over 50 people. They take him to the interrogation room and start questioning him. After a ...

Two clown cars crash in the middle of nowhere.

Over 50 died.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

“...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whale joke

Me: Hey did you know that whales can ejaculate over 50 gallons?

Friend: No but umm thank you for the info

Me: You’re whalecum

CREATE PASSWORD -

"123Bob".

Password must contain no names, be complex and have over 50 characters.

"GameOfThrones"

Password accepted.

Father's Day

I don't get excited about gifts the way other people do, and it drives my wife nuts. For Father's Day, my wife was determined to get a reaction out of me and so she ordered me a custom-designed tie. She knew that I had two great passions in life: movies and dad humor, so she hired a well-known graph...

President Busb was reading a newspaper on an airplane

Former President George Bush was on an airplane and was reading the newspaper. Its headline says "A wildfire has displaced over 50 Brazilian citizens."

He turns to one of his assistants and says "Thats terrible! We should help them. How much is Brazilian?"

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

Some people are suggesting that Bill Cosby should have his honourary doctorate taken away.

But the man successfully anesthetized over 50 women, countless times. If anything he has done more to earn the title ”doctor" than ever before.

Mikhail Kalashnikov visits the United States (based on true story)

For the first time, the legendary father of the AK-47 visits the United States. On his first day there he goes to a shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of America's M16. They discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each of their creations to which Eugene Says:

"My ...

Man went to see a wise doctor about his toe

As his little toe on his right foot is turning purple. The doctor examine it and then took a sip of his tea and said: "I have over 50 years of experience as a doctor yet I've never seen a case as severe as yours. We must remove your toe immediately before it spreads to the rest of your foot." So the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.