UPJOKE

Over 40 Jokes

If I had a quarter for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation

If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation.

It's called a system check.

My family has been specializing in ventilator sales for over 40 years.

I don't know why we've been getting so many creeps lately at our Only Fans store.

A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.

This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.

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The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating.

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

Exercise for the over 40 crowd.

I came across this exercise suggested for the over 40's to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.
The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable, flat surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1kg potato bag in each hand, extend...

Why do women over 40 don't play hide and seek?

Because nobody is looking for them.

I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers!

He said no.

I was at the supermarket the other day...

I was at the supermarket the other day, buying dog food. As I was standing in line for the cash register, there was a lady behind me asking me if I had a dog (beacuse why else would I be buying dog food, right?!) Anyway, my inner demon woke up, so I told the lady that I don't have a dog, but that I ...

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A young lady falls in love with a wealthy man. NSFW

They soon get married and they are living the life of luxury. Dream homes, exotic cars, and luxurious vacations.

The girl is having a conversation with her father one day and she mentions that she is considering leaving her husband. The father asks why and the girl explains. “He will only ...

Parking the manhood

My wife came in the bathroom as I was getting dressed after my morning shower. I put my underwear on and pulled them up. Then I put my pants on and pulled them up and told her I had to park the old guy in the right spot.

Now my wife and I have been married for just a bit over 40 years but had...

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims. They got through over 40 stories in seconds.

There Once was a tall hairdresser...

There once was a tall hairdresser. He worked in the business for years upon years, having to bend over every day to get a good view of his work. After over 40 years of working in the business, he decides that he will begin to offer free haircuts on one condition.

It’s only for his longest sta...

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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

Was playing scrabble with midge ure and had 4 tiles left but they meant nothing to me.

o.v.n.r.

Guessing this joke means nothing to most of Reddit... where's the over 40 Brit joke sub Reddit for these brilliant jokes with limited audience.

I was only afraid of snakes until yesterday...

It was then I met drunk females over 40.

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Time to go to school

Mom: Time to wake up and go to school!

Son: No, I don’t wanna go to school today!

Mom: But you have to go to school.

Son: But, I don’t wanna go to school.

Mom: Give me three good reasons why you should stay home, and I will give you three reasons why you need to go to sch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stairway builder was retiring

On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"

The retiring builder, a bit red...

Follow that chicken

A guy was driving down the road one day when he sees some sort of creature coming up from behind him on the shoulder. As the thing goes past he realizes that is a chicken that is running alongside the road. Somehow managing to maintain a speed of over 40 miles per hour. Fascinated the guy decides ...

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