I got so out of shape during lockdown. I think I should start exercising by doing lunges.

That would be a big step forward.

What would you call a show if it was Bridgerton but everyone was out of shape?

Downton Flabby

An exercise for people who are out of shape:

Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potat...

I'm so out of shape there's no way I can out run a demon.

So I really need to start exorcising.

In the 90s, most Europeans were tall, slender, relatively in shape. However, Brits were out of shape, their bodies blowing up, like a balloon. Scientists have now identified the reason behind this phenomena:

The Irish Republican Army

I'm so out of shape

I can't even jog my memory!

I'm so out of shape

Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

I don't understand how a priest can be out of shape...

They're always exorcising.

What do you call a group of out of shape hookers running a 5k?

Pantyhoes

People with scoliosis are great.

You can joke with them about their condition, and they never get bent out of shape about it.

I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.

I’m still out of shape, but I haven’t touched a cigarette in months...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tale of two worms

Maggie and Magnus were worming out and about when they came to a river, and saw they had just missed the boat. To make matters worms, they couldn’t dig their way under the river. Maggie wanted to turn around, but Magnus said there was a bridge nearby, and insisted a bridge isn’t a dime a dozen, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor because he’s been having trouble with his sex life.

The doctor gives him an examination and says: “Look, you’re just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you’ll start to feel better.”

A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says “Gee thanks for the advice doc, I’ve been running ten miles a day and I feel great!”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have one wish . . .

A woman found a magic bottle, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So, what will it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle E...

Welcome to the Reddit stand-up comedy show

\*I enter the stage, applause erupts\*

Alright alright reddit! How you feelin' today?

\*applause\*

Alright! So, show of hands, how many of you are redditors?

\*everyone raises their hands\*

Haha, maybe not too surprising. Because you all look depressed and out of s...

I don't understand why my coworkers get so upset when I joke about medical issues. Yesterday I made one about multiple sclerosis...

and that *really* got people bent out of shape.

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

Fandoms are like paperclips.

It doesn't a whole lot of effort to get them bent out of shape over nothing.

"NSFW" "Long" A young man wants to effectively lose weight...

...so he buys a subscription to a company that he thinks is going to help him. He's unfamiliar with their methods so he is surprised when his doorbell rings suddenly on the following day. He opens the door and standing there is a smoking hot 21 year old girl with nothing on her body but pink running...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy just cant catch a break

a guy gets home from work, he is all bent out of shape after his boss has been on his case, so this guy opens the door and he says "honey im home" his long time girlfriend walks up to him with his arms crossed and she says "im really mad at you" the guy collapses in a chair and response "why on eart...

Relationships are either like eating pizza all the time or crippling diarrhea.

You either end up fat and out of shape, or doubled over in crippling pain desperately wiping away what's left when it finally ends.

So, I told that contortionist that I didn't care much for his act.

...And he gets all bent out of shape about it.

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