UPJOKE

Out Of Shape Jokes

I'm so out of shape

Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me

I'm so dumb and out of shape

My resting heart rate is higher than my IQ

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

An exercise for people who are out of shape:

Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potat...

What would you call a show if it was Bridgerton but everyone was out of shape?

Downton Flabby

I'm so out of shape

I can't even jog my memory!

I'm so out of shape there's no way I can out run a demon.

So I really need to start exorcising.

I don't understand how a priest can be out of shape...

They're always exorcising.

In the 90s, most Europeans were tall, slender, relatively in shape. However, Brits were out of shape, their bodies blowing up, like a balloon. Scientists have now identified the reason behind this phenomena:

The Irish Republican Army

I got so out of shape during lockdown. I think I should start exercising by doing lunges.

That would be a big step forward.

I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.

I’m still out of shape, but I haven’t touched a cigarette in months...

My doctor said I was overweight and asked me if I'd ever even attempted a push-up.

I said "Hey doc, I know I'm out of shape, but suggesting that I wear a bra is just insulting."

People with scoliosis are great.

You can joke with them about their condition, and they never get bent out of shape about it.

My wife and I were laying in bed watching a contortionist perform on a talent show.

As the lady went through her routine, I suggested to my wife that she should try becoming a contortionist. Without hesitation, she shouted "NO!"

I asked her to reconsider, suggesting ideas as they entered my creative mind. She immediately began yelling at me, calling me a pig, a dog, and even...

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Best weight loss In town!

A new fitness center was advertising around the city with their fool-proof method of losing a substantial amount of weight in under an hour!

Tom was an out of shape guy that wanted to lose weight badly, but was skeptical about this new spot.

After hearing many of his friends and colle...

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A guy goes to the doctor because he’s been having trouble with his sex life.

The doctor gives him an examination and says: “Look, you’re just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you’ll start to feel better.”

A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says “Gee thanks for the advice doc, I’ve been running ten miles a day and I feel great!”
...

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A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

I don't understand why my coworkers get so upset when I joke about medical issues. Yesterday I made one about multiple sclerosis...

and that *really* got people bent out of shape.

Fandoms are like paperclips.

It doesn't a whole lot of effort to get them bent out of shape over nothing.

What do Trump and an Aluminum can have in common?

They easily get bent out of shape...

(This is really long, please don't kill me for it)

Once upon a time, there was a priest that worked at a church. He was a really good man, but very overweight and out of shape. He liked to joke about this, but he wasn't that interested in losing it, because it wouldn't really affect his life.

Anyways, one day a man walked into the church afte...

So, I told that contortionist that I didn't care much for his act.

...And he gets all bent out of shape about it.

Welcome to the Reddit stand-up comedy show

\*I enter the stage, applause erupts\*

Alright alright reddit! How you feelin' today?

\*applause\*

Alright! So, show of hands, how many of you are redditors?

\*everyone raises their hands\*

Haha, maybe not too surprising. Because you all look depressed and out of s...

Relationships are either like eating pizza all the time or crippling diarrhea.

You either end up fat and out of shape, or doubled over in crippling pain desperately wiping away what's left when it finally ends.

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A guy just cant catch a break

a guy gets home from work, he is all bent out of shape after his boss has been on his case, so this guy opens the door and he says "honey im home" his long time girlfriend walks up to him with his arms crossed and she says "im really mad at you" the guy collapses in a chair and response "why on eart...

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You have one wish . . .

A woman found a magic bottle, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So, what will it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle E...

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

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