I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

Did you know that if you took all the fish caught in Canada in one year and laid them end-to-end …

…the smell would be absolutely atrocious.

The doctor said I had one year to live

So I killed him and the judge gave me 35 years.

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

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One year for christmas I got a lump of coal from santa..

So, the next year I decided to poison the bastard.
Unfortunately, somehow.. he must have found out my plan.. Cause when I woke up the next day, he had killed my dad with the exact same poison I had used..
Learn from my mistake people.. Don't mess with santa

My reddit account is now one year old!

That's older than most anti-vax kids!

It's twenty one years since my father choked to death while eating sushi...

And its still pretty raw....

An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.

I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night.

I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-one year olds?

You get to hangout with Prince Andrew!

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

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I did meth and masturbation for one year, but now I'm clean.

Just washed my hands.

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

Glass: If someone breaks me, its one year of bad luck

Mirror: Thats nothing. If someone breaks me, its seven years of bad luck.

Condom: hahahaha

What's good about having twenty one year old girls?

Theres twenty of them

What's the best thing about twenty one year olds?

They're young enough that at least one of them won't have heard this joke!

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

I've been happily married for one year

...out of a total of 5.

I hate when people ask me how I see my self in one year

I don’t have 2020 vision.

How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

Last night I asked the woman I love to marry me, exactly one year after I first asked her out

She said “no” both times

A Sports Medicine Physician went to Wrestlemania one year to study the rate of concussions among the performers.

While backstage, he bumped into John Cena, and asked him if any of the matches qualified for Continuing Medical Education credit.

The Doctor of Thuganomics looked the physiatrist dead in the eyes; paused, then slowly replied: "No. You can't CME."

What's the difference between a urologist that has been working for one year and one that has been working for ten?

A vas deferens in experience.

My dogs can see one year into the future...

Because houndsight is 20/20

I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

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I went to my parents' house for Christmas one year

And I asked my mom "How could you always tell so easily when my sister was on her period?"

"Oh that's easy," she said. "Your dick tasted funny!"

My girlfriend dumped me 5 days before our one year anniversary

I guess you could say we made it full circle

One year anniversary edition: What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

It was my mother in laws birthday one year

So I decided to buy her a cemetery plot
as a Birthday gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

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My teacher told us this on the first day of class one year: “We have a new faculty member, her name is Helen Waite -

- she handles all of the grading for this class. If you come up to me right after taking a test and ask me what your grade is, I will tell you to go to Helen Waite.”

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Penis Study

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, Ger...

Wife stops husband from doing what he wants

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Edna always replied, “I know Buddy but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

One year Buddy and Edna went to the state...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to ...

Gates of Heaven

Three men are waiting in line to address St Peter at the pearly gates.
St Peter asks the first man,
"We're you faithful in your marriage?"
The 1st man replies ," I guess I can't lie here,so, yes. Yes I did many times.
Peter replies,"For all eternity this rusted out Volkswagen shall be yo...

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Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

A man is sitting down for his dinner.

He hears a knock at the door. And as he lives in quite a rural area there doesn't tend to be that many visitors, so he was quite taken aback. As he opened the door, he looked round everywhere but there was no one there. He was very confused. But then looking down on the floor, he saw a snail and thr...

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

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Harold and Ethel had been happily married for years, except for one quirk

Every morning when Harold woke up, he would announce his consciousness to Ethel in the form of a great trumpeting fart, the kind that make the covers billow. This annoyed Ethel, and she'd taken to telling him, "Dammit Harold, one of these days you are going to shit your guts out." Harold would alw...

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

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Monkey business

In a secret lab, a bunch if scientists are working on modified human DNA. To find out if their experiments work, they infuse monkey cells with the modified DNA. After a few years of raising 3 modified monkeys they send each of them into a different apprenticeship for one year, to see if they are abl...

One day a bottle and a mirror were fighting of witch is worse to break.

"If you break me you get one year of bad luck" said the bottle.
"That is just one year. If you break me you get seven years of bad luck" answered the mirror.
But someone was laughing behind them. It was the condom who said "That is nothing. If you break me you get a life time of bad luck."

History

If you are thinking about paying for the History channel just choose a one year plan as their shows are repetitious.

The History channel always repeats itself.

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

I used to love tractors when I was a kid.

I had posters of them up on my walls, dozens of toy tractors I used to play with; I remember one year my parents surprised me for my birthday with a big cake in the shape of a tractor. They were an obsession.

As I grew older, I started to notice girls and put more thought into my studies, and...

Life is like the ocean

In the years before World War II, in a little Polish village, a learned rabbi used to teach his students, “Life is like the ocean.” And they would nod and respond, “Yes, life is like the ocean.” One young student was particularly taken with this philosophy, and he carried it with him through the lon...

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A man sees a sign in front of a bar that states "Free Beer For 1 Year Inquire Inside"

The man goes inside and sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender about the sign he saw out front. The bartender informs him that all he has to do is complete 3 tasks, and the bar will give him free beer for one year. The man asked what the tasks were and the bartender responded. First you need t...

A lawyer and your client have a meet.

The client has a proposal.

If I get ten years on jail I'll pay you $3.000. If i get five years, I'll pay you $5.000. And if i get 1 year I'll pay you $10.000.

The lawyer says ok and will go negociate with the prosecutor. Than he return and says: You need pay me $10.000. We got it! On...

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