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Here's some one line jokes

A guy was crouched next to a grave, so another man walking by inquired "mourning?" to which he replied "no just taking a shit".


Three girls were walking through a graveyard and they looked scared so I decided to walk then through it. They asked me if I wasn't scared of graveyards I said "...

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I always get a smile out of people with this one line

"Smile if you don't want to have sex with me"

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one line jokes?

Because he can't do stand-up.

You know how some birds fly in V formations? Do you know why one line is always longer than the other?

It has more birds in it.

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One line jokes? [NSFW - Text]

I wanna hear some short one liner jokes.

Here's some copy pasta that i like:
I got my wife slippers and a dildo for her B-day. If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself.

The 90s summed up in one line

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945

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The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............

"Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

Great performance!

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally, after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, ”This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the...

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An old one my dad used to tell...

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day, and the agents like "good news! I got you a part in a play! It's only one line, but it's the opener and could be your big shot! Okay so the line is..

'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'..
Got that? 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar"

...

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many.

What did the drug-addict writer say when his wife told him to come to bed?

Let me finish this one line.

A Tale Of Two Letters

Stalin, knowing that his time was short and that Khrushchev would be his eventual successor, summoned Nikita to a very private meeting. After telling Khrushchev how lonely it could get at the top, Stalin said: "I've left for you two letters containing my wisest counsel in the bottom drawer of the...

A church is making a Bible translation

A church is making their own translation of the Bible for children. One of the priests says to the leader of the project:

- Sir, we only have one sentence left.

- What is it?

- Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

- That's not to difficult. Do it and call for printing.<...

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A Russian, an American and a englishman is discussing.

The Russian shows off by saying that the russian fleet can reach all around the world in one line without a single gap.
The American answers: ha that's nothing if our air force takes off all at once we can block out the sun entirely.
They then both look at the Englishman who simply says: I kno...

A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years...

... He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a...

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

A con man is arrested for conning several women out of their jewelry.

The sheriff's prison is full and doesn't have the budget to hold him anywhere else so that weekend he ties the man to a pole and creates two lines. In one line citizens pay a dollar to punch him in the face, in the other they pay five dollars to kick him in the balls. 
On the final day one guy pa...

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[Long] A man goes to a monastery in the middle of the Himalayas.

The man went to this monastery, because he wanted a break from the busy life of the city. Let's call him Dave.

Since they were in the middle of nowhere, and since he was going to be here a while, he decided to get to know some of the monks there. Apparently he hadn't been the first one to com...

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to Heaven....

The Lord comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time The Lord looked, the women ar...

One day the king was hosting a competition

He gave every contestant a piece of lined paper, specifically with ten lines. “Write whatever you want on the paper, if you make me laugh, you win a full chest of gold. However if I don’t laugh, you will be sentenced to death” He said.

The first person came and wrote a funny story, using up a...

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An actor gets his first big break...

"Hark, for yonder art thou cannon," the actor states. The part only had the one line.

The director looks excited. "Perfect!" he yells. "You have the job."

"Awesome, when do-" the actor starts before being interrupted by 2 large security guards. They pick him up by the arms and legs and...

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