UPJOKE

On The House Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl was on summer break, and some guys showed up to work on the house across the street

Being the curious type, she decided to walk over and offer her help. The guys said sure, of course she could. So they gave her little jobs to do all week, "bring these screws over to Ray" and that sort of thing. After the week was over, they decided to give her a little payment, and handed her an en...

Why did the plane land on the house?

Because somebody left the landing lights on

I was doing some scientific research on the House of Hapsburgs and I have now discovered

The Theory of General Relativity.

Was told at the local brothel I could have my first visit on the house

I just hope they have a flat roof

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A young family moved into a house...

next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the constructio...

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Young walks into a bar

A young man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of tequila. When the bartender puts the glass down in front of him he immediately downs it and asks for another. This happens 10 more times during the course of which the bartender asks for his keys. The bartender finally asks him why he...

How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing. Because it’s on the house.

Why did the contractor go out of business doing roofs?

Because they were always on the house.

What’s the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they’re on the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and says. "Give me 10 shots of tequila, line 'em up!"

The bartender does and the guy proceeds to slam the 10 shots down at machine gun pace. The bartender says, "Damn man, what's all this for?"

The guys says, "My first blowjob." The bartender says, "Well shit dude, that's something to celebrate, have another on the house!" The guy says, "No than...

what did Walter White say when delivering a pizza

it's on the house

Two painters paint a house and hand the customer the bill.

The customer notices that the men charged no money for the actual paint. The customer says, “You guys did such a good job. Why aren’t you charging me for the paint?”



The head painter looks at the man and says, “Don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house.”

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "

I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your ...

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